All I can tell you is what I am doing with my wife.

I am making sure that she is involved in all this, good, bad, or ugly. As long as she will remain involved in the repair of our relationship, I will continue to honor my vows.

I will tell you what I hope to accomplish. I want to find out if she really is, or really ever was, the sexual creature I once thought I knew. If so, I want to drag it out of her, kicking and screaming if necessary. Like you, I want the passion and romance back in our marriage. As it is right now, most of the mystery, passion and romance are stumbling about in my imagination, looking for a way out. I find myself with my strong feelings of love and passion as we make love (or lately, just have sex), in a one actor play.

Even though we are "doing it" a little more than before, the relationship is still far from satisfactory. In all honesty, it may never be. This may be as good as it gets. I hope that is not the case with us. I tell you truthfully, when I tell others to "take the bull by the horns", I am following the same advice myslef. I will NOT wake up 10 years from now with my life having changed little from it's current incarnation.

For what it is worth, I had relationships with HD women that didn't last. As much as you might think that gooooood sex is the answer to all your problems, it isn't. I do completely understand how important it is though. Just make sure that there really is something solid between you and your wife. Make sure she has very firm ground to depend on between you and her.

You have to state your position clearly to her. It will then be her responsibility to take the next step. At some point, you have to do your part. Write a letter, email, talk to her, whatever, you have to take the first step.

-NOPkins-

I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.

-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.