Stopped near my house for a drink and some quite time after driving all day. Had to deal with work e-mails and such.
I was the only customer so I made some small talk with the bartender whom I know for quite some time.
Suddenly two extremely good looking women entered the place and sat right next to me although there was dozens of seats empty. I minded my own business and did not pay much attention to them.
It quickly turned out that they were wine distributors and soon the owner of the place arrived.
For next hour I absorbed all the useless knowledge about grapes and barrels. It was hard not to listen into their conversation.
The one next to me kept touching me "accidentally". I finally turned to her and asked whether I was sitting too close to her. She laughed and said "Sorry, you just happen to be within reach."
I smirked and went back to my business. The owner left and the ladies started to relax with their wines. Soon a local bloke arrived who seemed to have known the ladies from before. He smelled like booze and motor oil and decided to hover between me and the women. I started feeling a little cramped and annoyed since the rest of the place was still empty.
The bloke kept talking rubbish and tried to flirt with the women using all the wrong pick up lines. The lady one seat away from me kept toying with him and was quite funny. I kept smiling and shrugging at times while never lifting my eyes off my phone – I was still working. From the corner of my eye and from the mirror behind the bar I noticed her staring at me every time she talked to the bloke who would not go away.
The other girl had not stopped her rubbing either so I swung into action. The conversation was going on about very smart people. Apparently the girls had gone to see the FB movie but did not remember the guys name. The bloke was burning off his brain cells to come up with something but it was too painful. One of the women decided that it was Steve Jobs, the other one disagreed. The bloke said “No, he invented the mouse.” I just kept shaking my head and uttered “No, that was Douglas Engelbart, the hypertext guy.” The bar filled with silence.
The bartender seemed to have enough and said “That’s a smart guy” and pointed at me. The lady next to me asked “So, you are a genius, huh?” I asked her to define genius. She said “Like Einstein genius”. I said “Nooo, not even close. More like fifth grader”. That prompted the bloke to move at the other end of the bar. The other lady piped in “So, is there anything you don’t know”. I said, “Sure, I don’t know much about wines other than that some taste better than others.”
That was a self inflicted torture because for the next half an hour I got a crash course on the wines and grapes all over again. I listened with enthusiasm and the women were excited to share their knowledge. The owner returned and took some pressure off me. Suddenly the wisdom came to a halt when they started arguing where the Shiraz grapes originated from. I let them run through several obvious and wrong options and finally said “I think they’re from Shiraz.” The “duh” answer made more eyebrows to lift and in danger from being viewed as and cyclops I decided to add “Persia, Iran, you know.” “I thought you did not know much about wines?” one lady said. “I don’t.” I replied “Just a wild guess, kinda like Champagne I think comes from France and Budweiser from Czech Republic.” Another moment. I decided to stop the game under concern of being too condescending. I quickly explained the history of Budweiser and we move on with more casual talk.
At some point the lady away from me said “You have a very sexy accent, may I ask you where you are from?”. I smiled at her and said that she may and if she knows where that is on the map, she can continue asking anything she wants, if not she may ask no more and she would need to tell me all about herself instead. This worked like a charm. They had no clue where my fatherland was and off she went to tell me all about herself.
The other lady suddenly had to go and decided to buy me a drink on her way out. The one still around jumped to the seat next to me and said that she would not let me leave until I have accepted her free drink as well. I said that I’m not sure I have deserved so much treatment. She laughed and said “I reward people who are fun to be with and I want to make sure next time I pop in here that I will have something to look forward to in return.”
Oh boy.
I figured that I may have to fire across the bow, so I decided to tell her that she looks a like my ex wife (yes folks, I was married 20 years ago and yes, she did look a lot like my ex). This is a risky line to use, but WTH, I was not shopping. Well, it turned out to be taken as a compliment so the chatting continued. Then my phone rang. I pick up and it’s one of my dogs at the other end. WTF? I guess W decided to do little pursuing since I wasn’t home yet. I made some crawling sounds, woofed a bit and hung up. The lady looked at me weird and I said “No big deal, she caught a squirrel. Everything is fine.”
The woman laughed, got up and said “I understand, I have to run too, dog sitting for a girlfriend. It was very nice to meet you.”, gave me a kiss on a cheek and waltzed out.
I finished the drink she bought, texted my W “Which one was missing me there?” She got back “all of us”. “On my way.”
I can see how easy it is to become a WAS if the climate change has affected the relationship.
moment. I decided to stop the game under concern of being too condescending. I quickly explained the history of Budweiser and we move on with more casual talk.
