Now I'm Walking Away, Part 4

[bustorama]

After all, you were uninterested in the spouse while you were neglecting them, and they apparently did not find that attractive since they are WA...It seems there needs to be an interest in something new and healthy (i.e., a change on your part)?

Make Yourself Happy For A Change.

Me, I'm addicted to being happy. It's exciting. It feels great. I feel like sharing it with everyone around me. If I don't make someone happy and whatever I try to do doesn't make them happy. There is nothing wrong with me. Why should I feel there is something wrong with me?

I agree with you that if someone is not attracted to you / happy with you, that it is a fool's errand to try to "make" them happy with you and that you are better off working on yourself and being happy.

If they don't like me, why should I change?

In some cases, their not liking you may indicate a behavior on your part that would benefit from changing (e.g., addictions/compulsions, abusive behavior, bad communication, etc.). You could have a better life by yourself or with others if you change that behavior. In my case of dropping the compulsive gaming and "virtual" affairs, I am much happier having re-entered the real world and left that behind. I think we agree, though, that the change is best done for yourself and not instrumentally "for them."

Maybe like Wendy and Gina, I just need to move on.

This is where I think I disagree with you or maybe we differ in what "moving on" means. I think attractions ebb and flow. I have heard many long-term married couples tell me that they fell out of love with their spouses more than once over the course of their marriage, many had affairs, etc. Many told me that the other partner "stuck around" while this was going on, I guess biding time with or focusing on themselves, and eventually the attraction/love came back. In my own case when I was having the EAs, I had lost all attraction for my W and even hated her, but, for reasons that are not clear to me, my attraction for her came back. She later discovered the history of the EAs (after they were over) and the damage was done unfortunately. BUT, she had stuck around and not "moved on" during the time that I had fallen out of love with her, and I did fall back in love with her without her pursuing me.

So, if by moving on, you mean not "trying" to re-attract your partner and pining for them, I would agree with you (though it's easier said than done).

If by moving on, you mean straightaway leaving ur partner and looking for others, it seems rushed not to let some time pass for feelings to return or hurts to pass?? Maybe I just feel this way because I've been in the flip situation as well?