Frank, I have simply been attempting to point out where what I have expressed has apparently been misunderstood. Evidently the quantity of words that have been used is too many for comfort, and that is certainly not the intent.
I can only speak to my experience and what I have found to work (and not work). (I didn't make this stuff up, btw.) Your mileage may vary, and my intent is not to convince of anything, but to express my point of view. I am getting the sense that these viewpoints are heretical, based on the responses.
One of the things that made me realize there might be better ways was a conversation I had with a therapist who taught "I messages" to his clients, but wouldn't use them with his wife (also a therapist). Basically he wouldn't "eat his own dog food." He taught it to his clients because that's what he was trained to do - and for me, actions speak louder than words. I now have come to understand the problem with "I messages."
