if someone is not interested in you, move on to the next. that maybe the only change you really need to make.
what is so attractive about someone who isn't interested to you? it seems like they need to be making some changes and get with the program.
I know that this view is sometimes advocated on the board, but I don't think that the DR view of moving on with one's life (GAL/non-pursuit) is necessarily the same as moving on to the next [person]. I was wrong to have my EAs while I was married and living with W, and I also feel it would be wrong to have EAs/PAs while married, but separated, from W. Maybe I'm just a prude?
I also am not sure that simply being uninterested in the WAS is the right approach in WAS cases spawned by severe neglect (compulsive gaming). After all, you were uninterested in the spouse while you were neglecting them, and they apparently did not find that attractive since they are WA...It seems there needs to be an interest in something new and healthy (i.e., a change on your part)?
Not a prude, just a different viewpoint.
Perhaps you are correct in cases of severe neglect, but whatever the case, the WAS has no interest in your (my) interest in them at the moment. Everything we do seems to push them further away. We are "smothering" them. They "need space". So give it to them. Perhaps their perception of the situation wasn't completely accurate. The grass is not always greener. Perhaps giving them the "space" they need allows them to figure out how wrong they are.
I guess that doesn't have to mean dating while you are still married, but I have seen here that is what it sometimes takes to snap WAS out of the fog. The realization thay they may truly HAVE finally lost you and can no longer control you.
Personally, I think it would also help me move past this stage in my life. I'm still on the fence. I have signed-up for a couple of dating sites, but I haven't had any dates. It has made me feel better about what to expect from life after D though just from seeing that there are attractive women available out there.
I guess each person has to make his own decision that he can live with in this situation.
