Effective DBing/ Feedback and Coaching

[TimeHeals]

If you have weak or non-existent boundaries (and everybody makes "mistakes", so our boundaries are tested), then you will wind up not being respected, and once there is no respect, there is no love.

You don't "make" somebody love you by turning into a doormat anymore than you "make" them love you by bullying them and throwing a tantrum when you don't get your way.

The doormat and the bully/constant nag are not healthy, and they kill off love.

Having healthy boundaries and good self-control are very loving.

It's not about being parental: it's about good behavior. If you allow some body to treat you badly and say nothing about it and cannot be happy when others around you are unhappy, then you just might be codependent.

Finally, needs and boundaries are two different things. Boundaries are standards of behavior to prevent us from harming or taking advantage of others and prevent others from harming or taking advantage of us.

I need oxygen, I need food and water. I want a spouse who I can respect and who respects me, so I had better have good boundaries and resonable self-contol because respect is something we all must continually earn, and that's all about how we conduct ourselves and whether or not we even respect ourselves.