Well, congratulations on taking an active role in solving your marital problems. It's big. You are looking for solutions, and that is more than half the battle.
You are correct in saying you need to put some kind of perspective on the infidelity before you can attack the sex issue. Michele has an article on this site you might want to read: Healing from Infidelity It may give you a place to begin.
How does your H feel about working on your marriage? Does he want to stay together as you do, or does he seem to be on the fence?
Take one day at a time, and take heart in the fact that you are on your way to healing.
