- I'm not saying ILY anywhere but here. I know I can't say that. Thank your for reinforcing that. - Her friend is tight with her, there's no way she'd say that. They swap stuff all the time. - Yeah I know what your saying about the advocacy group. I don't know really what to do about it other than just be ready in general.
Question: what is buying another car going to do? It seems to me you are still supporting her poor choices financially. Splitting left over funds? If she needs spending money to go out, she can get a job. Your income is for your family. If she is still seeing and talking to OM, she doesn't need to be counted in that.
Buying another car will allow her to get a job and free us up from each others personal lives. If we have two cars then we no longer have to schedule [censored] around each other. Its not a new plan its something that we were doing anyways before this happened. Its just more important to get done now.
As far as splitting the money.. thats a temporary thing to me. As we move down the line I'm going to cut her off. Remember to I have DA charges. The best way to deal with that is to just have her not show in court voluntarily, then the prosecutor has no case. So I have to consider that as well moving forward
So you're buying her a car and giving her money to pay her off for not showing up in court? That's not good strategy. I'm pretty sure it's illegal or at least would be seen as sleezy in a court. Nothing you do or don't do is going to achieve the goal of her not showing up. If she wants to show up, she will. You need to get with your L and prepare a defense.
dude of course I don't know how you drew that conclusion.
I've never even told her that yet. I just told her if I get convicted she's screwing herself out of money if we get D because I will lose my job.
We planned on getting a car long before this this month to make our lives easier. I have to get all over I work and teach martial arts so I am busy, one car is tough cause we have to cart our son around to.
Honestly I want her to get a job if she decides to stay with me or not and she can't do that with us only having one car. Now if she leaves will I make payments? prolly now unless court ordered.. I'd let her have the shitty 600 dollar truck I am buying.
Last night was pretty shitty. She was an ice queen and its was obvious she was stewing on something, our money probably. I didn't feed into it and just stayed detached.
I got all my dauily goals accomplished. - Gym, art, meditate, music, got something nice for myself
Morning went well. Got up and she was in a decent mood.
I got dressed did my morning look good/smell good routine.
She talked to me about our son some ( he's been acting out a bit) and divorce. She listend to some show on it the other day and was sharing info with me about it. She told me how great of a father she thought I was. That felt good.
Focused on how the day was going to be good, how the road to reconciliation is baby steps, and how if it doesn't happen I will be a much better person after this journey.
Car ride to work was pleasant , for me at least, we listened to some music and she made some small talk. She made some observations about me and music and she sang along to a song for a bit.
Shes going to apply for some grants today at a the local community college. I wished her luck and told her I hoped her day went well.
It was a pleasant peaceful morning. I presented my best side to her. What more could I hope for.
Internally I am doing much much better.
I still feel sad that I can't tell my wife that I love her. Talked with my dad and a close friend last night about it. I know I can't so don't get the idea that I am thinking about doing it
My meditation when I am discouraged:
I love my wife and my family. Normally she's a wonderful person and we can have an exciting romantic life. Our problems our fixable if we both choose to go down that path. The path to reconciliation is long but worth it. If she chooses something else I will still be a happy, healthier person after this journey.
Oh she also noticed the art thing I did and said it was really pretty and would be perfect for winter. It wasn't much I just a made a small wreath. One of my personal growth things is to bring or create something beautiful in my life every day.
Something I used to do but stopped over the years for some dumb reason.
I'm losing my mind ight now. I just lost a friend because her and her husband (my life long friend) are going through similiar [censored] and I ended up in the middle inadvertently.
I feel hopeless and somewhat suicidal. My dad isn't around to talk to. I'm sharing this here just to get it out. I'm not giving up. I'm going to continue to work on me and be there for my son.
Trying to detach but I can't atm. I just want o call my wife and beg and plead. Why is this such a roller coaster?
Hang in there. It doesn't get good any time soon, but it does get better. You just have to know that, even if you don't feel it and hang in there for the better times and ultimately, the good times.
feeling blue