Last night was pretty shitty. She was an ice queen and its was obvious she was stewing on something, our money probably. I didn't feed into it and just stayed detached.
I got all my dauily goals accomplished. - Gym, art, meditate, music, got something nice for myself
Morning went well. Got up and she was in a decent mood.
I got dressed did my morning look good/smell good routine.
She talked to me about our son some ( he's been acting out a bit) and divorce. She listend to some show on it the other day and was sharing info with me about it. She told me how great of a father she thought I was. That felt good.
Focused on how the day was going to be good, how the road to reconciliation is baby steps, and how if it doesn't happen I will be a much better person after this journey.
Car ride to work was pleasant , for me at least, we listened to some music and she made some small talk. She made some observations about me and music and she sang along to a song for a bit.
Shes going to apply for some grants today at a the local community college. I wished her luck and told her I hoped her day went well.
It was a pleasant peaceful morning. I presented my best side to her. What more could I hope for.
Internally I am doing much much better.
I still feel sad that I can't tell my wife that I love her. Talked with my dad and a close friend last night about it. I know I can't so don't get the idea that I am thinking about doing it
My meditation when I am discouraged:
I love my wife and my family. Normally she's a wonderful person and we can have an exciting romantic life. Our problems our fixable if we both choose to go down that path. The path to reconciliation is long but worth it. If she chooses something else I will still be a happy, healthier person after this journey.
