I found out yesterday by accident that there was definatly another woman involved ....I dont know if she still is but anyway.
Its made me hit a turning point, and I just can't 'stand' anymore.
H found out that I knew, he was angry and started spewing angry blames at me. How I controlled him, how he had to beg for sex, how he was just a paycheck, and was never allowed to do what he wanted - all the stuff I heard at the start of this. How he'll NEVER go back to our life. he'd rather die.
So it seems he's still deep in it. Even though hes been showing effort to get back to me lately.
Once I told him I'm not sure I want a relationship anymore, he changed his tune, and started talking nicer to me, even saying I'm the nicest person he knows. Hes 50% to blame. Asked what I want if we get back together etc. Did a total 180.
Anyway, so heres my predicament.
This whole drop them then they'll run after you thing seems to really be true. Except I wasnt expecting it. And now i dont know what to do.
He's clearly not in the right headspace,and I know he wants to come back, but he's only abotu 1 year into all of this, and I know that it takes 2 years for them to sort things out in their heads, and I just dont know how to proceed here...
The other woman thing is for me a no go. I dont know if I can even deal with that. Should I continue to put my foot down and say pick, me or the highway - which has made him want to talk and try, or should I tell him that i'm not ready to get back together, and let him live out the rest of his 'time' in his fog to find his way home that way.
Thing is with the latter, i cant handle another woman. Or any more women. that would be quits for me.
First thing to do is breathe. Quick, Quick, Quick doesn't work here.
Patience, Patience, Patience is the name of the game.
From what I quickly read your husband is cake eating. If he has an OW he is not ready to have a R with YOU.
You must detach, not let him cake eat. From your part, you can not have a R with him if he is in a R with someone else. That is a boundary! That is something you CAN control. Because you can control YOU!
Of course he wants you to think that he still wants you. He is confused. He is in MLC.
Have you read all of Cadet's links that you were given at the begining? Even if you have I would go back and read them again.
Hey, I got to say that at 3 am, there isn't likely to be much help on or around here.
At that time of night and you really need something to calm yourself down, check out the resources or the success stories that DB has posted elsewhere...but do something to shut up the little monsters in your head.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
