This is a great place to express the burden, angst, hurt of being left by a life partner. The way they exit leaves a deep open wound that hurts beyond compare. Yet I kept hurting myself by picking at things I could never change, making the wound worse.
Being proactive, stacking the wood, getting the meds needed are all good stuff. Anxiety takes the smallest kernel of truth and magnifies it to the worst thing possible. When thoughts swirl stop what you're doing. Distract your mind, disconnect the whirlpool.
Here's the hardest thing I had to learn.
Whatever the former spouse did and/or does has NOTHING to do with me. Once he decided he was done, I was no longer part of the equation. And that was tough and took a long while to get a handle on. Trying to second guess if your partner really wanted kids, preferred dogs over cats is chum for an anguished mind to feed on. Mine opted to blow off his three kids, commit to her before leaving the marriage, adopt a dog with her, get married and are expecting a baby (he's 56). The only thing I care about is how it affects my kids.
I had to learn to hush people when they started talking about him during and after the divorce. It did nothing for me and in the end would hurt me deeply. Letting go is tough.
I do have a relationship with my (former) mother-in-law which works for both of us.. but we do not discuss her son by mutual unspoken choice. Tapping into your mother-in-law for gossip sounds like it brings its own can of worms. You may want to ask yourself if it's worth it.
The more he takes up space in your head, the less room you have to grow. Be good to you, Aver. Do what makes you feel better, calm, healthy.. what brings a true smile, laughter to your life.
