I honestly put a lot of effort into that post to you. But I cannot tell if you are being sarcastic or what. I simply never saw you take any genuine responsibility for the demise of your m except in minor superficial ways & then externalizing & globalizing to "men in general" which keeps us from directing advice to you specifically. So when I point out possible ways your h might see things, you are either totally dismissing it or saying it's all true and now you're totally at fault. Let's avoid black & white 'all or nothing' scenarios, b/c they are not valid or helpful.
Assuming you are not being sarcastic, then stop berating yourself. Just learn from your mistakes b/c we ALL make them. I was no saint.
But if you don't learn and choose to make significant changes, you won't feel any safer in the future. You'll repeat the mistakes & be rejected again, OR shut yourself down emotionally and avoid rejection by having no one close to you. Both of those options suck.
There's no shame in needing help. I did seek it out & I thank God for that. But do Get help. If your claim about not deserving to live is a something you actually feel, get help sooner. Please.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
