Wife is cheating, am sad but confused?

[Grocerykartman]

Well, I'm responding late in the evening here, so your night obviously went however it went.

Don't mean to hit you with a 2x4 here, but look at what you just asked a board of essentially total strangers. You asked should I set a boundary about OM?

OF COURSE! Why would anyone tell you not to and that hey, it's ok, continue to allow her to have this "just a friend" when you already know he's not. You're not stupid, you know when someone is JAF and when someone is moving in on your wife and she's allowing it.

So set your boundary ASAP and STOP worrying about her response. I know you're afraid you're going to lose her somehow, but you already have. You have! Otherwise there would be NO OM. I mean this nicely, but aren't you sick and tired of this already? Everyone has the end of their rope. You have continued to find more and more rope than many people my friend.

Set your boundary! If you didn't have kids, would you ever tolerate this? These little exchanges you have with her, the glaring on your part and the "he's just a friend" on her part are wasting your time. You need to calmly, confidently, and with no wavering whatosever say, "I'm not going to live in an open marriage. I don't care if you just call him a friend, his presence bothers me and I will not tolerate it." Then just move on and detach, since she WILL almost certainly continue to see OM. There's nothing you can do about that either, you have to let her relationship with him run its course. Your only chance is to set her free, which may only possibly get him out of her system over the long run.

Right now, she simply can't believe you'd continue to argue and bicker with her about this...after all, would you respect someone who kept sulking at you and trying to make you feel guilty if you had an affair? Of course not, you'd only possibly raise an eyebrow if they actually stood up for themselves and left. That's why you have to set your boundary. I know it seems like things could get a lot worse, but, ask yourself, really, how could they? Is the exchange you had with your W tonight anywhere near a healthy relationship?

Don't waste another minute of your precious time arguing with her about OM, his level of "friendship", etc. It is time that could be better spent improving YOU. Again, don't worry about her response...your question permeates a very worried state of mind vs. a detached one.