Lea, I guess I have a little different take on it.
No, their emails are completely inappropriate. BUT - I also think it was inappropriate of you to question the boys about who was on the phone. It puts them in an incredibly awkward position. And it ends up with you getting into a pissing match with those two whack jobs.
A better way to approach it might have been to ask the boys about it after the conversation was over. But truthfully, this is NOT something you are going to be able to control - she WILL be talking to them. And the more you make an issue out of it, the more a whack job like this chick will do it just to spite you. And the kids are the ones that suffer because of the friction between the adults.
I say, take the high road. Be Saint Lea. Don't say anything negative about him or her to your sons. Don't respond to their messages. AS long as those two can bond against YOU as their common enemy, it strengthens their bond. The less you engage with them, the more they'll start fighting with each other. And trust me, a woman this nasty probably won't last that long with him, once you step out of the picture.
But most importantly, don't let your sons get stuck in the middle. They have to deal with her, don't make them feel like they're betraying you in the process. Be their strong rock. And remember that living well is the best revenge. (My ex cannot believe that I am out playing drums in a rock band now - ha ha ha!)
