MWD makes it very clear a boundary without a consequence attached to it is a "hollow threat".
Why does everyone keep talking about boundaries and try to omit the consequence component...
Actually, it's not "everybody" - I'm the only one it seems.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
Boundaries are comprised of two things :
a. A limit b. A consequence for someone transgressing that limit
That's it.. That's boundary... BOTH components
So you're convinced that it is not possible to set an effective boundary without the consequence part.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
If you try to set boundaries up early on and leave out the consequence and wait until the transgressions get ridiculously excessive before you start to add a consequence then you are just issuing hollow threats...
My point is that this is not necessarily what happens. It's understandable to believe that it must - and perhaps for most the "consequence" may be important. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with consequences - just that for me it has been far more effective when boundaries are set without them.
In my experience, throwing in the consequence early on makes it heavier than needed, and less effective overall.
Interestingly, I just received a call from someone I helped set a boundary with someone they just started dating. (You & probably Coach might be horrified by the thought of anyone taking my advice on these matters.)
