You are talking about natural consequences here, in one case, and in the other is is a your child. The "consequences" that come up with "boundaries" are not natural ones, they are choices made by the one setting the boundary.
Originally Posted By: Coach
Stop trying to pigeonhole boundaries or consequences as negative things. They are healthy and loving for all parties.
Somewhere you saw it expressed that either one is a "negative" thing? I have pointed out things I have found to be effective and things I have found to be less effective.
Boundaries are good for relationships (and pleaser point out where I have stated otherwise, since that would not reflect what I believe). Consequences (the ones that are typically associated with setting boundaries) are generally effective only as a last resort, in my experience. It is not only possible to set boundaries without having to go into the consequences, I have found it to be more effective. If someone is completely resistant to other efforts, then consequences become necessary.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
Since when is consequence talk "parental?"
Dont' we fire employees who dont perform the expectations of their employment?
Since they are our employees, we are in a "parental" relationship with them, in the sense that there is not an equal distribution of authority.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
Don't we arrest, try, and incarcerate proven criminals?
Unless a police officer, judge, or prison guard "we" don't do any of those things. There is an unequal balance of authority there, i.e. "parental." And even for those individuals, they are simply doing their job and not setting personal boundaries.
Last I checked, this site was about dealing with our spouse. My W is not my child, nor is she my employee (and even if she were, I would relate to her one way at work and another way at home). I am not police officer, judge, or prison guard to her. If I relate to her as one, it might be a kinky fantasy (which would be another board altogether) but is not one that engenders a healthy relationship - or even healthy boundaries, imo.
