C, The first thing you must do is be kind to yourself and understand that if this is mlc, it takes an extremely long time for them to come out of it, if they even do. Some will go through in a shorter period of time and others long, and some stay in the rabbit hole forever. Each person is different, therefore they may experience the crisis differently, just as we react to their crisis...no two are alike.
One of the hardest things to learn is patience and how to understand the people in crisis. Expectations have to remain at zero at all times, i.e., no matter if they promise to do something for you, expect them not to.
Treating them with kindness and compassion doesn't mean jumping on th band wagon for dates or commitments, it means speaking to them in a calm voice, just as you do anyone else on the street. Try not to lower yourself to their level of crazy behavior. You are the adult now and he isn't. Compassion comes from the heart when you truly understand just how jumbled up their way of thinking is. Keep in mind, they have traveled back to a time where their emotional well being was stunted by someone. In other words, they need to accept the fact that whatever happened wasn't their fault and grow up from that point on.
If he truly is in crisis, the way he remembers things will be totally different from what you remember. Just remind yourself...you cannot change the way he's rewritten history...so do not try to argue w/him about it. They are his thoughts and he has ownership over them.
Detach, leave him alone unless it's an absolute emergency, keep expectations at zero, and most importantly...you were not invited on this trip of finding himself. Focus on you and what you need to do to make yourself happy. Live your life "as if", for there are no guarantees he will return.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
