New here, been lurking in the shadows for a month. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible, but it won't be easy. Childhood sweethearts,known each other for 39 yrs. now married 29 yrs, with 3 "adult children" 2S's-23and25,1D-21, all at home. Order of events; (excuses,reasons for my sitch)2001 best friend commits suicide, I take this hard and begin to self medicate with wine,and withdraw from family and friends. 2001,small business I manage is in trouble and fear losing everything- more preoccupation with outside forces, w says she feels lonely and needs more from me. I reply "I don'have time right now"(words to eat later) 2002 W'S father passes away, motherinlaw moves in with us part time, th,fri.,sat,sun.. Find out she as a problem with pills,alcohol etc.Home life is not good, this goes on for 3 yrs until middle son has horrific car accident and is in a coma for 3 months has to be moved to special hospital 150 mi away. Diagnosed with a Traumatic brain inj. among many other problems. Son comes home to begin long recovery, w has to sleep with him can not be left alone. 2007 mothinlaw has heartattack and is moved to a nursing home. Things are settling down until older son admits to a oxycodone addiction (starting at age15), I get him help-now doing fine. 2nd son doing better(believe in miracles)going to college part time. 2008 Wife moves out of bedroom, does not want to wake me as she gets up for work earlier than I. She is losing weight and hanging with new friends at work sometimes they go out for a few. She seems distant, being the genious I am, assume it is menopause. Feb 2010, on a car ride home for drug store she tells me ILYBNILWY talk. Granted we have been running a hospital/nuthouse the last 8 yrs and have not been close. More like soldiers doing their jobs, but I am devastated. I ask if their was someone else, she says no. O'k more menopause hormones I think. Does not come home Sat 7/26, wake up in the middle of the night and keep calling her cell. Sun morning comes home, was playing cards with friends and misplaced phone. Now it takes a son w/TBI to tell me how come she never invites work friends over to visit? Confront her on Mon after work, admits to A with a coworker. I am destroyed. Have heard of his name before as a good friend, EA for about 4 yrs did not turn PA until his divorce was final 12/09, says very few PA encounters.(who knows) Told GOD I surrender and need help, found a IC on that FRI. I told her we could work this out,I was not about to give up on 40 yrs of my life with the only women I ever loved. She says I was stronger than her and this friend was there for her. Says shes loves me like father/brother but not like lover/husband. That hurt the worst. I pursued the 1 st month (mistake i know ). She is still at home trying to sort things out.She thought I didn't love her and would be happy if she left. Obviously we have had 0 communication in our relationship and at times I was a insensitive jerk. She says its very hard for her to break it off with OM because he will be alone and does not want to hurt him. This is so hard, all of my family is deceased and only have a few close friends and do not want to tell them anything yet.How can I GAL and work on myself when I have so many issues with my sons, they still need me. D is fine, junior in college and has been my rock. One other thing, w was somewhat shocked that children wanted to be with me no matter what happened. She I believe is still in the fog. I am reading both of Michele's books and trying to work on me. I will not quit or give up! I apologize if this sounded like a venting session and thanks for listening.
