Boundaries in Marriage

[Concerned_Listener]

I dunno, CL, your wife seems to me, at least, to be fairly predictable.

Have a plan ahead of time of HOW YOU ARE GOING TO RESPOND TO THAT."

But if I THINK ABOUT IT AHEAD OF TIME, and PLAN OUT WHAT I WANT TO SAY, AND EVEN MY BODY LANGUAGE AND TONE OF VOICE that I want to use . . .it's very effective.

Food for though, CL.

Starsky

This excellent advice. Your are right in that her behavior is predictable. She acts up in dance situations where she feels insecure--not dancing enough, a dance that didn't go well, doing dances she is still new at. She also likes to pull our dance teachers into her problems, and "tell on me" about how I've "mistreated " her.

I'll need to plan for when she is in a poor mood at the dance venues, or when she makes public comments about me, or complains to the dance teacher. I think the first step is maintaining composure. When I lose my composure, I either want to escape, or get embarrassed, or hold it in and tolerate it, or suffer silently. I think the plan for the dance venue is to have a good time, no matter what kind of mood she's in. I think the plan for her negative comments at the dance studio are to express my disagreement calmly, without arguing, and trying to redirect us back to the dance lesson. I'll keep percolating ideas.

CL