Even with all I've learned and think I understand about myself and what this is all really about, some days I truly feel like I must be a piece of sh*! - if total love and devotion for 20-30 years means nothing --- if my spouse can just be "done," and chose to leave and choose to destroy our family rather than STAY and WORK on our M.
The person we have loved for most of our adult lives - and still love - has chosen that we are no longer worthy of their love.
This is what I am having trouble with. The person I've loved for 30 years - the person that used to tell me often that he loved me, that I was beautiful, that I was his best friend - that there was nothing we couldn't do if we did it together, no longer thinks that to be true. I can make a list of my good qualities and what makes me a good person that would be pages long, but the rejection by the person I love makes me feel worthless.
EXACTLY!!! There is this huge disconnect between the reality of today and the reality of the years together. But the reality today is that I have NO CONTROL over anyone but myself. I want to lead a clean life. I want to create a home for my kids, friends and family that is full of laughter and kindness. I want to find peace.
I am struggling right now with not being ready to be around him in an amicable way. It still hurts too much. I don't know if that makes me weak or egotistical or what - but this is the first time in my life that I have set a boundary that is healthy for me. I know there will come a time when I will be able to be around him. It's just not now. Is this wrong?
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
