I read what robx said about changes. Seemed very harsh. Before the bomb, I hadn't realized my H wanted changes, saw someone else as better. the bomb made me think and question myself, what I'd missed and done wrong, although there was a third party. The result was the realization that some changes had to come, I'm trying to get there. I've never felt I was insulting my H by taking a part of his point. He's not made any comments, really, and I don't ask. But I hoped that trying to learn lessons and evolve was respecting the other spouse, trying to see their point of view.
I realize any change should square with who I am and be permanently do-able.
But saying that making changes is insulting our WAS is disheartening.

I suppose robx is talking about controlling yourself and forgetting about influencing the other?
NCU


Me: 46
H:42
Together for 18 yrs, married 14.
3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7.
Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation.
Separated 08/2010