So, there are growing signs of passive-aggressiveness coming from stbxh. There hasn't been much overt conflict since the separation, but it may be coming out now that we are starting to deal with the financial separation stuff.
For example, stbxh told me he wanted to take the kids to mexico in Dec. So I emailed him telling him that D's passport is expired.
Originally Posted By: STBXH
Thanks, but until I/we get a financial settlement there is no way that I can travel, and maybe not even then. I'm way too far in debt right now
Knowing my stbxh, this has a heavy tinge of "poor me". Which p1sses me off!! Part of our financial problems came from our sense of entitlement to spend money that we didn't have -- and he had/has a worse case of it than I do. I'm supposed to feel sorry for him that he can't have a fun-in-the-sun vacation?? Also, it worries me that apparently believes that his current level of support will be reduced...it's not a huge amount . We have to get all this sorted out.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
In ongoing procrastination news, I continue to struggle mightily. I am working a bit, but not enough.
But, I am trying something new. I am taking doing six sessions of Brief Solution Focused Therapy for procrastination using a Life Coaching/Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approach. That is what the counselor recommended based on my goals. I've done two of the sessions and it feels like we're just getting started. I am cautiously optimistic but I feel unsure about whether the counselor can really help me. Of course, it's about me helping myself. It is costing $125/hr which I don't have coverage for . I will write it off as a business expense so that will help a bit.
My financial situation is getting VERY ugly. Getting into more and more credit card debt as my spending outpaces my earning. STBXH is giving me some support, but not enough to maintain former standard of living. I have to earn a LOT more, or become far more frugal, or both. I am struggling with denial and a sense of entitlement regarding spending.
The therapy I'm doing is all about money: earning, dealing with financial planning/budgeting, dealing with financial separation, etc. It's about facing reality and taking ACTION. Stockdale all over again. Counselor says that a lot of my struggle is related to self-criticism.
Trying to be an adult is truly humbling
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Well, Guitarist ("boyfriend") is on vacation in a sunny place for 10 days. I'm feeling a bit triggered by seeing a gorgeous model posting this message on Guitarist's FB wall:
Quote:
Funny stuff [Guitarist] today!!! You are awesome! I'm waiting for my tacos in [location] now bouncing your tennis ball!!!! ((: thanx buddy!
Trust issues over here. It doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it just makes me want to run. I just don't want to feel vulnerable or give someone the power to betray me. Guitarist and I really don't know one another that well. I know the advice is to "go slow", but I'm not really sure what that means in practice, except not sleeping together, which apparently is not my strong point.
If he wants to flirt or more with other women...fine. I just want to know where I stand, especially since he's been the one pushing the envelope and wanting to "officially" "see one another".
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Sorry, FM, but if you two aren't exclusive, then he didn't do anything wrong.
He was the one who wants to have you "officially" see each other? Just wait and watch! Actions actions actions...
It will be interesting if he mentions it to you. Does he know you check his facebook page?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Sorry, FM, but if you two aren't exclusive, then he didn't do anything wrong.
He was the one who wants to have you "officially" see each other?
We are exclusive, he wants to be my boyfriend, he told his sister that we're seeing one another. He also made a point of IMing the other day that he's "been good" and "I'm all yours". If he was just flirting, then he didn't do anything wrong IMO. I just don't really want to be confronted with it, and it's a turnoff if he's actively inviting it.
Originally Posted By: newmama
Just wait and watch! Actions actions actions...
nod
Originally Posted By: newmama
It will be interesting if he mentions it to you. Does he know you check his facebook page?
He friended me on FB right before he left on his trip. He also removed his "single" status. I don't know if he realizes that I check his page. I know he's checked mine...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Who is he on vacation with? Could it be the girlfriend/wife of a friend there? Is she one of his FB friends? I wouldn't think you hand out your FB info to a random vacation hookup or even a girl you meet on the beach, so my guess is that what she wrote is completely innocent and they know each other already somehow.
Unless he's actually on his honeymoon there with this chick (which is why he removed his single status), but that's reaching just as far, so let's try not to let your imagination run wild, mmmmkay?
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
It's kind of fun when us boys play around, isn't it?! Laughter has great healing power.
Now, it sounds to me like you are getting way too attached way too fast! IMHO. I understand it must feel great to have someone be interested in every aspect of your life. It's all new to both of you. IT'S NEW AND EXCITING. Remember, the excitement wears off. Enjoy every minute of it and, much like DB'ing, try not to have any expectations of what may or may not happen in the future.
You finally have you life back after being put through such an emotional roller coaster for the past few years. It's time to enjoy the moment!
BTW, I play the guitar, also. I play several other instruments as well. I started playing the s-x when I was 16 and have been taking lessons ever since. I'm getting pretty good at it but I still feel the need to practice a lot. I would really like to start taking lessons again, practicing all alone really gets boring.
Enjoy the moments. Take lessons. Don't look too far ahead.
Yes, you're right IDU. This stage of things with Guitarist is really weird for me. He is full steam ahead and I vaccillate between catching up with him and holding back. He just sent me a steamy text . Is there a woman alive who doesn't LOVE attention? I do get attached easily...it's my nature, not just where I'm at right now. I make up my mind about people quickly and when I like someone it takes a lot to change my mind.
I remember that you're an accomplished musician . SO cool.
PS: guys are always welcome on my thread, as are musical topics
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
. We have to get all this sorted out.
