Remember that if your h had died and you were eventually happy, it would mean finding out who you are without him. So now you have to do that. NOW.
I'm going to jump in here, because I think IB and I have this in common - she can correct me if I'm wrong.
It would be different if our H's died. Maybe this is just for those of us that are too connected or dependent on our spouses (IDK) - when we are rejected, betrayed and cast aside it is an insult on our self. It is a very personal betrayal, one that makes it extremely difficult to just choose to move forward. It is very difficult to just choose to be happy - and it seems impossible.
And, I know you aren't saying it's easy to just "be happy," just that for some of us it is very slow going.
It's not like a death - because with death you don't see that as a personal rejection/betrayal.
Even with all I've learned and think I understand about myself and what this is all really about, some days I truly feel like I must be a piece of sh*! - if total love and devotion for 20-30 years means nothing --- if my spouse can just be "done," and chose to leave and choose to destroy our family rather than STAY and WORK on our M.
The person we have loved for most of our adult lives - and still love - has chosen that we are no longer worthy of their love.
This is what I am having trouble with. The person I've loved for 30 years - the person that used to tell me often that he loved me, that I was beautiful, that I was his best friend - that there was nothing we couldn't do if we did it together, no longer thinks that to be true. I can make a list of my good qualities and what makes me a good person that would be pages long, but the rejection by the person I love makes me feel worthless.
"Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." - James Thurber
