Can I ask why no R talks? Why are they detrimental?
You'll get a better answer than this, but I think this should really say that YOU should not initiate any R talks. This is because the WAS has NO interest in maintaining the R at the moment and any talk of it just reminds him/her of that fact. It just pushes them further away.
It is OK, I think, if THEY are the ones to initiate the R talk, but do be careful not to get defensive. Agree with them and VALIDATE their feelings.
The reality is that R talks do no good if only one person is interested in saving the R.
Got it? Pinhead has violated this rule many. many times.
Read through other peoples threads and you will learn a lot. You will likely find someone who is in a similar position with you. Monitor their progress and learn from it. You will be able to see what is coming next.
