How should H act if he wants a R ?

[Albuquerque]

Cat your situation is similar to mine. My H and I remained somewhat close throughout his MLC (not that his MLC is over but he's at least peeking out). Despite my knowledge of an OW, he continued to text me, email me etc. Very few phone calls unless necessary. We continued to do things together only when dealing with D (school events etc). That's a very hard thing to do unless you are detached enough to do so. The proximity of the man that looks and feels like your H is hard when you know that he is NOT your H right now. His brain is in MLC-land.

I get the sense that you are still very insecure with yourself and the situation. Concentrate on that. Focus on YOU. Your H may continue to contact you. If you have the strength, that's OK. You can be friends but it cannot be an act. You must genuinely only be HIS friend meaning that he is NOT yours. That's the hard part. Do NOT ask him to events, do NOT talk about yourself, do NOT talk about the R. It's not fair but in the MLC world its all about him. If you are strong enough to do that, I think they DO appreciate it but will never tell you. But you MUST work on yourself.

In one of your posts you mentioned that this will take a year. You don't know that. It may be less, it may be more. There are some H who never really snap out of it. You can't go on wondering. You must move on for yourself. Detachment is allowing his moods and emotions to NOT affect yours. If you will maintain regular contact it can make it much more difficult. That's why staying away is often the best medicine for YOU. You're not "playing" hard to get. This isn't a game. This isn't a ploy. Work on YOU and improve the things about YOU that need work. It's hard to look inwards and REALLY see yourself and your faults. But that is the best thing for you right now.