The support group that I know of (and I'm assuming what you mean) is her sis: divorced, mom: divorced, grandmother: divorced, father: divorced twice, couple of friends: both divorced. And divorce attorney. So, yea, I'd say she's got one helluva support group. Kinda laughing as I type that. Sometimes I just laugh to myself at the absurdity of it all. When she came over yesterday I tried not to laugh in front of her - b/c I look at her and her actions sometimes and I just can't help but see how ironic and comical it all is. It may seem disrespectful to feel that way, but I can't help it. She is so transparent sometimes - the way she was trying to aggravate me, etc. She tries so hard to steel herself, but can't always accomplish it. My father made some sense when he said that she is having a hard time justifying leaving now to everyone, b/c noone sees the bad things she told them - those things don't exist anymore (and were never really as bad as they seemed at the time. But they did need to be corrected.)
The support group that I know of (and I'm assuming what you mean) is her sis: divorced, mom: divorced, grandmother: divorced, father: divorced twice, couple of friends: both divorced. And divorce attorney. So, yea, I'd say she's got one helluva support group. Kinda laughing as I type that. Sometimes I just laugh to myself at the absurdity of it all. When she came over yesterday I tried not to laugh in front of her - b/c I look at her and her actions sometimes and I just can't help but see how ironic and comical it all is. It may seem disrespectful to feel that way, but I can't help it. She is so transparent sometimes - the way she was trying to aggravate me, etc. She tries so hard to steel herself, but can't always accomplish it. My father made some sense when he said that she is having a hard time justifying leaving now to everyone, b/c noone sees the bad things she told them - those things don't exist anymore (and were never really as bad as they seemed at the time. But they did need to be corrected.)
You sure we aren't married to the same person?
Your story is so similar to mine, right down to the wifes dysfunctional family.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
I think you need to "practice" how you will respond to her when she comes out with a new snide remark (and I'm sure she will). The best way to handle her is to look at her as if she were the same age as D3, smile and slowly shake your head, then turn and walk away. No remarks, explanation....nothing. Let her wonder what you were thinking. She's baiting.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Making Progress made a good point, she can't believe you are still hanging on to her. She's treating you like c!ap and you are hanging around like a lost puppy. I know why and that you do want to save your marriage and family - the best advice here will go against what you feel is going to work.
Your wife needs to feelyou pulling away and leting her go. It's attractive, it shows her you value yourself. Start agreeing with her - takes all the pressure off her. No R talks. And start becoming mysterious (like going to the Novena, that was good).
Quote:
She then said, "I don't care, that's up to you, none of my business." "You are right it is up to me what goes on in my house and it is none of your business" As she was leaving, I gave in and said, "You know how I feel and that hasn't changed." NO R TALK! She said, "Good, you can feel that way." Then as I put D3 into her car seat I asked, "why are you so angry with me?" NO R TALK! She replied, "Because you keep pushing me for something I don't want. She feels pressure Do you want me to find somebody for you?" Good God no! I can find someone much better on my own, thanks. So, as she left I said, "You know, I didn't get married to get divorced." NO R TALK! She said, "Neither did I. Don't think that's going to change anything." "I understand that. I don't think anything is going to change."
When you agree it takes off pressure and shows you a listening to her. She can't argue if you agree.
Where are you in LA? I am up north.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You've got some wise people telling you what to do.
Nothing new to add, only to be careful of any quick shift in her demeanor toward you. If she is suddenly nice and flirty, she wants to ML or something that is out of the ordinary, BEWARE! I got suckered in about three months after the bomb and before I found this place. For about 4 days, it was like we were newlyweds. I was getting sex in every way imaginable, 3,4,5 times a day. Hell, I thought if this is what it's going to be like, it was worth going through. Needless to say, she woke up one morning and it was like the past few days never happened. She said nothing had changed. You can imagine what that was like for me to hear.
Anyway, just be careful. You can read about something like this happening in a lot of sitch's. The WAW will test you and she knows you shouldn't be ML or anything else that involves you trusting her. Be prepared.
