Oh I forgot to mention "Look <insert husband's name here>, I want you to be happy. If you're not happy with me and our marriage I don't want you to feel like you have to stay. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me and lately that's what this feels like. If you really want to be with her, go be with her, you have my blessing. Make a decision by the end of the week and let me know what it is. If you really want to be with her, you are free to leave because I want you to be happy and I want you to be where you want to be. If you want to be with me, then I expect you to start acting like my husband, someone I can love and respect, someone I can trust, someone that doesn't hide secrets from me, someone who is open because that's what I want. If my expectations are really that unreasonable and you won't be happy with me, then you are free to go. I have now given you all the power & control, you make this decision and you have plenty of time to make an easy decision. I can't remain married to you if you continue to act like this."
I have told him as much and he has said 'I am here aint I', but what I am missing is the commitment and remorse for his actions. That is what is missing. And we certainly throw the D word at each other but don't follow it up. This morning we did (happens almost every time we argue).
Anyway he says he is not happy and not in love with me anymore and that he has been miserable for the most part of our marriage (obviosly not true). He says he is emotionally disconnected from me (what can u expect with the EA going on - if it's still going on) After reading a lot of what is here I think H is suffering from MLC. I could leave him and give him a wake up call...but the other coin is he could choose to leave me, that would give him immense control. Earlier in our marriage we seperated for 2 months, he moved out but he was the one who pursued me. I never sought him during those 2 months until he decided he wanted to work on our marriage. Guess we never gave it our all and didn't deal with all our problems. With all this said the question remains if I should leave him or should try to DB and be a better person. As someone said one person can change a marriage (though not easy as I truly sometimes feel like giving up and that I do not have the strength). So that's my dilemna
