What happened to Puppy? Did something happen to him?
Sorry if I missed something major, I've been off the boards a while. Please let me know. Thanks!
Puppy and a few others got banned in the "Great Purge of '10." Legend has it that he has hacked his way back onto to the boards from a location in the Caribbean and is still fighting the fight. Some say he started his own site called "ExposeThis.com" to spread the message. Others believe that once it was found out he was really a 22 yr old woman doing a Masters thesis (Comparitive Study on Dogs' and Mens' Brains and the correlation in how they deal with Realtionship Issues) then "he" couldn't effectively continue the research her. All I know is he is sorely missed.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Legend has it that he has hacked his way back onto to the boards from a location in the Caribbean and is still fighting the fight. Some say he started his own site called "ExposeThis.com" to spread the message.
Some say he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue...
I wouldn't. It's ineffective and doesn't help me achieve the results I want.
But it's all you've done. You've criticised every post where somebody says it's OK to call bad behavior what it is.
Maybe you would be willing to point out what was written that was taken to be criticism. Perhaps expressing a thought about whether something is effective or ineffective is thought to be criticism.
Originally Posted By: TimeHeals
That, my friend, is criticism.
Then we disagree about what criticism is.
Originally Posted By: TimeHeals
Are you acheiving your intended results? And what results did you 'intend' ?
Do you mean here?
The starting point was a question about how someone who is name-calling ("idiot") could be validated. Since it was evidently not seen how that might be done, I demonstrated several ways it could be. The responses have expressed the belief that this is not desirable, or that there is an unwillingness to take this approach, or perhaps that it is not something that would even work.
This is helping me by showing different perspectives, which I appreciate. IRL I generally don't get as much pushback because people can see it in action.
Yeah, I guess so. Me, the dictionary and the generally accepted the accepted meaning of the word disagree with your personal definition.
And that's OK. And if it's OK, then everybody else is perfectly free to equivocate on the meaning of the word "criticism", and tell you flat out, that they aren't being critical either.
Have a nice day
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Why would you want to criticize at all? Criticism is ineffective in setting boundaries, since it tends to shut the other person down. And it is engaging in the very behavior we wish to have the other stop doing.
Have you ever had to lead (not manage) people? Coach or teach them? Ever had to get clients in your professional life change a behavior for their own good?
Perhaps it would surprise you if that were the case.
Originally Posted By: Coach
Criticism is just feedback, it's not personal when you address a behavior that needs to be changed. Attacking someone is ineffective.
I agree - perhaps I should have been clearer about what I mean by "criticism," which is attacking someone. The problem is that sometimes (especially in relationships) a criticism of the person gets mixed in with addressing the behavior.
Originally Posted By: Coach
I criticise people all day long - at work, coaching (boys and girls), my marriage, friends, etc. It's just feedback, here's what I see. People pay me for advise professionally. I get paid to coach. When I observe something, I either say well done (met the goal) or here's how to improve (solution). People love it when I criticise them, when they know how much I care that they do well for themselves. It's the people who take it personal that struggle. I address that when needed and sometimes I have to let it go because it's not my problem.
See, I wouldn't call that 'criticism' because you are addressing the behavior - and moreover, since you have demonstrated skill and effectiveness in facilitating positive changes, people are eager to benefit from your feedback. Since you come from a heart-centered place and do everything with their benefits in mind, it is easy to see why this is effective.
Originally Posted By: Coach
I enjoy learning so I welcome criticism and feedback. It helps me do a better job if it is valid. It's my responsibility to listen. Criticism sharpens my skills and makes me stronger, wiser, and more productive.
I feel the same way - except that I just call this evaluation or constructive feedback. When I hear criticism (i.e. words that are blaming or shaming), I recognize it's not about me but about the other person's pain. When I get triggered (as does happen, although with decreasing frequency) then I go unconscious and am unable to receive the message being given.
The clients who take your feedback personally are reacting from their own issues of course, and as long as they do so, you are probably unable to help them. It's not your problem, it's theirs, as you said.
Please let me know. Thanks! 
