M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You need to memorize I John 1:9. That scripture is a promise. It is a promise of forgiveness. It is not based on you begging God, and it's not based on whether you feel like He's forgiven you or not. Read it and see what the conditions are.
It says "if" (maybe we will or maybe we won't)we confess our sins (state or name what the sin is that we committed). Even though God alreadys knows what it is, He tells us to say it to Him (instead of just saying, "Forgive me of my sins"). It gets personal when we break it down and actually name the sin. That is what He wants us to do....get personal with Him. We tell Him.....and we don't HAVE to tell anyone else in order for Him to forgive us. The scripture doesn't say we have to get good enough to be forgiven(b/c we can't be good enough), nor does it say we have to wait so many days, and it doesn't even say we have to hit rock bottom of the shame pit before we are forgiven. Christ paid the price for sin. So that frees God up to forgive us based on what Christ did on the cross.
Now, here comes the promise: "He is faithful(means He will ALWAYS do this) and just(means He is fair and doesn't have favorites nor is He moody some days) to forgive us of our sins (whatever we confessed to Him)(then God goes even farther)and to cleanse us of all unrightousness"(He cleans us up and gives us a clean slate...so to speak. )
What's left? One thing...you must believe what He said. He said it....but it won't happen if you don't believe He'll do what He promised. Remember, He's fair and what He promises, He must do! Why? B/c (thank God) He doesn't do it b/c of us, He does it b/c of Jesus. The ONLY reason God can't forgive is "if" you don't believe.
Will you suddenly feel wonderful? IDK, I didn't. But, faith is not feelings. I felt nothing. Would have been easier if I had, but believing isn't feelings, either. Emotions are feelings. Belief is a decision! We either do or we don't. So.....we believe, and we accept His forgiveness. I don't know that you've allowed yourself to accept His forgiveness b/c you don't think you are worthy. Well, neither was I. But, then I'm not worthy to have Christ as Savior, either, but I do. None of it is based on my worthiness. I don't have any, but He came to save sinners, and that's what I am. Do you see what I'm saying?
There is one thing and one thing only that is keeping you from being forgiven.....and that is "you". Get over yourself and let the Father do what He does best! Then don't pick that burden up to carry it around all the time once you accept His forgiveness!
BTW, don't think for a second that the enemy won't try to convince you that you are not forgiven.....but then the enemy is a liar. Whenever you doubt it, say the scripture (whisper if you want to) but it will help you take a stand and the enemy will finally give up. You can do this girl. If I can, you can too! You are not worse than me. Don't insult God by thinking He can't forgive someone like you. He's done much tougher stuff!
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
SOA, You must forgive yourself first and foremost. You were addicted to something, something that changed you. You were drawn in to a world that many people nowadays find themselves drawn into. My W admitted last night that she hid from me by drinking and going on facebook for hrs at night. Said she should have talked to me instead. That world is not real and you realize that. Move forward with no regrets other than losing yourself to a world that did not exist. When you forgive yourself you will be free of burden you carry. Your H has his own bag of bricks he carries and when this occurred it must have gotten too heavy for him. He needs to deal with that.
Once you can forgive yourself you will feel better. However that doesn't mean you are going to ever forget what you did. Now you know it's wrong and have said you won't do it again. That is great. The fact that you feel so bad and guilty and regretful is GOOD, in my opinion, because it shows you know what you did was wrong.
The up & down feelings are very normal. Sandi wrote a good post.
SOA, You must forgive yourself first and foremost. You were addicted to something, something that changed you. You were drawn in to a world that many people nowadays find themselves drawn into. My W admitted last night that she hid from me by drinking and going on facebook for hrs at night. Said she should have talked to me instead. That world is not real and you realize that. Move forward with no regrets other than losing yourself to a world that did not exist. When you forgive yourself you will be free of burden you carry. Your H has his own bag of bricks he carries and when this occurred it must have gotten too heavy for him. He needs to deal with that.
Sandi, Atossup, Coach, Soliel, and anyone else I've missed. Forgiving myself is something I'm working on. Hopefully I get there sooner rather than later.
