Bustorama-Thread 1

[bustorama]

W burned her hand pretty bad cooking dinner last night and called me crying to come help her. I went over with some burn stuff. Some nasty second degree blisters. She had some pain meds left over from her surgery, so I suggested she take the pain meds (oxycodone), and I would stay to help get kids to bed. I was there ~3 hr, helped feed her and the girls. We watched the World Series game, talked, looked at pics from my camping trip, and I helped little ones do homework and get ready for bed.

She showed me the book she was working on with her IC (self-esteem), and I asked her how she felt it was going. Told her I was impressed with how she was working on herself and the progress she was making overall. She said she had had a hard past 2 weeks emotionally, been very depressed, and apologized for the fight on Sunday, said she was at the peak of her PMS on Sunday and she was feeling better today. I validated (we had talked some before about her feeling real down the past 2 weeks) and commented how strong she had been the day she resolved to 'be happy' and decided to get out of the apartment (when she called me to go out for sushi).

She then told me how she was wanting to get more organic stuff and cook healthy for her and the girls. I validated and encouraged, told her I thought it was a great thing that she was doing for herself and the girls. I told her I'd be game for trying some of the same stuff at my end. She went through her pantry and fridge showing me all the different things she had gotten -- at one point I was stepping away for a sec and she called me back to look at more of the veggies she had gotten (lol).

Few times during night, W asked me if I liked something about her appearance (do you like my toe nails like this -- "so sexy with those shoes", do you like that dress I'm wearing in that pic "you look gorgeous in it", etc.). When she "pulls" for the compliments like that, is it pursuit to tell her she looks good?

While hanging out, I discovered some things about her I didn't know from when we were together (that she loves to watch sports and that she had a garden when she was younger). I was real interested to discover/rediscover this stuff about her. She told me how happy she was that I did the camping program with the girls, that when she told people about it they were always real impressed and interested and said her dad wanted me to send him pics from the trip.

We made plans to do a bunch of family stuff through Halloween wknd -- costume bingo, Gymnastics Halloween party, trick or treating, pumpkin farm station, pumpkin carving and pumpkin bread/cookie baking. She invited me to go to some pumpkin carving party that a mutual friend invited the girls to go to (she has girls this wknd).

When I left, she got up and initiated (almost insisted on cause I kept walking away, lol) a big hug.

She just called me now (next morning) agitated from D5 acting up during dropoff at school. Said her hand was blistered but didnt hurt too bad, but she had headache and felt a lil out of it from pain meds. Said she was afraid her boss would slow her down getting out of work and he would make her late to costume bingo. I validated all around.

Today is 5 months of "separation." I frankly don't see reconciliation as an option on her part until she gets herself back together emotionally. Only then, I think, will she entertain idea of trust and relationship. I hope the DBing is still helping in the meantime (improving self, not pressuring her, listening/validating her to increase connection).