If you are working on changing, and are in no way informing your WAS about the changes and no way explicitly showing your W the changes, then the changes are for you.
At first I was "showing off" my changes, and my W saw it as insulting. I eventually gave up, and kept working on myself, keeping my W totally out of it. She got curious, and had to pursue me, and ask me questions before I'd own up to anything new in me or my life. THAT's when it started getting her attention, and she wasn't insulted or angry about it at all. She was intrigued. It has to be sincere though. They can tell when the changes are for YOU, and are making you a more interesting person.
