Newlywed, I have to totally agree with Cemar and Monk. I am dealing with LD on the part of my husband due to illness but years ago I was engaged to a young man and we entered into a normal sexual relationship. He was "normal" in every sense of the word. The night we got married in a big formal wedding was the beginning of the end. Talk about a kick in the pants for an 18 year old bride.
I was expecting stars on our wedding night and all I got was a very rushed upset bridegroom. The next morning he hid for hours in the bathroom. I was so puzzled. After our honeymoon he started avoiding sex with me. He was too tired, had an upcoming baseball game (had to save his legs he said) not tonight, blah blah, all the while going to bed with an erection!
He constantly rejected me and said that I was a nympo. Mind you he LOVED the sex before we married. After we married he literaly had me convinced that I had something wrong with me!
He made me a nervous wreak. He finally said if we had sex it would make me dirty like his mother. (she had ran off with her husband's good friend and left her 6 children when he was 12).
I loved my ex when we married and thought we had a great future. My entire extended family LOVED him. He was like a brother to my brother. (My brother went toes up when I finally did leave my ex-husband) His little brother was only 13 years old and lived with us and he was a great kid.
I stayed way too long because I did not want a divorce. Just after I turned 20 I left. When I left I had high blood pressure and hot flashes! I was an emotion wreak. I can truly say I have never forgot how horrible it made me feel.
After we seperated he started sleeping around with every low life in our town all the while telling me how sorry he was and wanted me back and he would change. NO THANK YOU!
I tell you this not to discourage you but to concur with CeMar and Monk. People with sexual issues rarely change. In my case with the ex he viewed me as a "good" girl who sex would make dirty. I was to be on a pedestal. Baloney!
Before I left him all love had vanished and was just left with pity. His touch made my skin crawl I hate to say. In many ways I really felt bad about leaving him. His mother left him, his father died at Christmas his senior year in high school, and then his wife left him.
But he did bring it on himself. I had begged him to seek counseling and he said no. When I read your posts I felt all those old feelings of hurt and pain that I associated with my ex.
I know for some people sex is not an issue but it was an issue for me. I knew that I wanted to have a normal sex life and not always be angry with whomever I was married to over something that should be joyous.
You have many hard decisions to make. To go or to stay. In the end someone loses big time. A lukewarm sex life to a HD person is am emptiness that can't be filled. In my current situation I find it hard to accept now even though I know the LD is caused by illness & medication side effects.
The result is the same - my sex life has suffered and after years of having a great sex life with my spouse of 21 years it is hard to accept. I miss the fun of a great roll in the hay with, to me anyway, the sexiest guy in the world. We still have sex but not like we used to.
Sometimes I feel like it is greatest irony of all. I can remember telling my ex that we only had sex 2 times a month and we were 20 & 22 years old at the time what would it be like in our 40's? Well here I am in my 40's and a sex problem has cropped up!
I am so sorry that you are having this problem. It does make you feel so alone. Keep your chin up and don't "own" this problem. Try not to take it personally. It sounds like you have so much going for you. At a young age you seem to have accomplished much. A good job, a new home.
Focus on your positives and don't feel like his problem is because of you. His problem is just that - his.
