I don't think I have seen this expressed in any better terms. The ONLY way to solve this issue is to eventually CHANGE the LD spouse. Step #1 is to get the LD spouse to actually UNDERSTAND the issue, and this in it self is almost an impossible feat, you know, the old aurgument, "It's Only Sex" crap. Step #2, not only must they understand the issue, but they must also literally must change their level of desire for sex. I say this because if they don't, they won't be able to "FOOL" the HD spouse into thinking that they actually want to do these things. You must DESIRE to do these things, willingness to do them always results in eventual failure.
I just got the books from B. DeAngelis about what men and woman want. If you read the book about what women want men to know, "The Key To a womens sex, is through her heart". If you read the book about what men want, "The Key to a man's Heart is through his Penis". If I were a LD or ND spouse, this book would be down right FRIGHTENING. Literally, if you read this book about men, if you are a ND spouse, you will find that you are FAILING at virtually EVERYTHING. You will find out that virtually EVERYTHING about a man both physically and emotionally runs through 6 inches of his body. If you want to have ANY hope at connecting with your man, you must LOVE connnecting with that 6 inches. If you AVOID that 6 inches, THERE IS 100% NO CHANCE OF CONNECTING TO YOUR HUSBAND (if he is HD). Not only must you connect with that 6 inches, you must LOVE to connect with that 6 inches in ALL ways, ESPECIALLY ORALLY(read the book, you will find out that this is the most important form of LOVE for your husband). I probably will NOT recommend this book to anyone until their wifes are further down the trail towards fixing this problem because I would think that a book like this could really give a ND spouse real problems because it stresses that you must perform as a HD spouse if you want a decent relationship.
The problem we both face is that us HD spouses already have the PHYSICAL kick(our bodies actually process testosterone correctly), so all we have to do is fix the emotional issues. But I believe that among ND spouses, they have to fix the emotional issuse, and once this is done, they still need the physical kick to get them over the hump, and it just is not there. Their bodies are literally not processing testosterone correctly,and this is where TRUE desire comes from. This is why some relationship experts say that true desire for LD women is almost impossible to achieve. Why do you think that all these books, including Michelle's keep reminding us HD men that WE have the testosterone and they don't.
Monk, read this web site "Willingness to Desire". It goes through a lot of steps on how to restore SOME desire. You literally have to get your ND spouse to understand the problem first, then you have to hope they have unbelievable commitment to fixing this problem, then youi and your spouse must find the absolute easiest way for the ND spouse to meet this need, and THEN BE HAPPY WITH A HALF ASSED PERFORMANCE ON THIER PART, as they really don't have the tools to actually fix the problem, again, LACK of testosterone!!!! Sorry if this offends people, but read the web pages, Smalley openly admits that LD wives just don't have the real tools to REALLY have desire. 90% of his marriage counselling is for just this very problem!
