Thanks for the post. I agree with you, cheating would change nothing for the good, and I really don't WANT sex with someone else. I love my h and it is only him that I want to share my passion with. I just worry about that changing in the future.
As far as not talking, I think that is a great idea. I do try that, as well, although I am not nearly as good at it. I tend to do what I call "cycling" with this issue. I posted on another thread about this last night, but basically, I can go for awhile and NOT talk about sex, and not initiate, and not get angry, but when we still don't have sex, I get frustrated. Then, I start wanting him physically, and I lose my resolve "to never ask again" and initiate. He refuses. This happens a couple of times, and then I start getting resentful. A few weeks go by and then I am really getting frustrated - emotionally and physically. And then the anger starts and I get depressed and lose hope. I am in that point of the cycle right now. I just sometimes feel as if I am carrying the weight of our entire relationship on my shoulders. Like if I gave up, there would be nothing left. But that is not exactly fair, because in almost all other aspects, he is very good at keeping up his end of the relationship bargain.
As for the sexual abuse, I am not aware of any. HOWEVER, his younger cousin was abused and then abused one of his friends, so this issue is definitely in his family. And, the issue that I tend to think might affect his desire, is the fact that his father passed away when he was 9. His mother never remarried nor had any serious relationships following that event, and as a result, I don't think he got to witness a "healthy" adult relationship (his parents were divorced for two years before his dad died). There are other issues surrounding his dad's death which also complicate the situation, so I think all of this might combine to exacerbate the low sex drive.
Last night and today were horrible for me. I even talked to a friend about this (something I try not to do). I have resorted to talking to her before and she said she thought I should give up on the marriage before we have kids and "screw them up." I am not ready to give up on my M or my H, even though that sometimes seems like the easier route. I take reliable birth control and we are definitely putting off children for awhile.
I have definitely considered going to a counselor. This has really wrecked havoc with my self esteem and body image. With the wedding, then buying the house, and I am starting a new job, there just doesn't seem to be a lot of extra money floating around for counseling.
Tonight was better, because by the time he got home, I had calmed down a lot and was able to sit and talk with him without the hurt emotions from last night. I just told him calmy that I cannot and will not live like this for my entire life and that it has to change. He agreed that we need to go to a different counselor, a sex therapist. . .
and he let me read some of the book to him!!!!! He wasn't as excited about it as I was, but I could tell that certain parts of the book reached him. I could also tell that he was relieved it wasn't another book, bashing him for being LD. I feel a lot better now, but I also know from our history, that the cycle will repeat.
