She may not have told her support group the entire truth about the finances. Sounds to me that you are providing all of her physical needs (food, shelter, etc.) then willing to split the remaining cash. How could you be more fair than that? There is a reason she is focused on wanting just cash! She isn't looking at the over-all responsibilites of the household expense, she is "planning" her escape and she needs money to live in the style she's fantasizing about.
You can expect her to come back from those meetings all fired up. Don't even bother trying to "reason" with her. It's a waste of time.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Right.. it would be one thing if its always been this way but it hasn't. Shes been in the drivers seat of our finances for almost 7 years of our marriage.
I think the stunts I pulled earlier in this fiasco maybe got them to think it was abuse. Or maybe they are just programmed to respond that way. When you have a hammer everythings a nail you know???
At any rate I get another car here soon and then she can get a job like the rest of the world.
Should I be discouraged? This is all part of the process, the moment right? I should just enjoy my small victory and ignore the rest..???
Also I realized reasoning with her is really arguing in her mind. So it would just entrench her view... thats why I stopped.. I don't want to argue with her or have any relationship talk unless absolutely necessary.
Another small victory, one that I actually listed in my journal!!!
She told me she was going to bring her stuff back from her friends house into our house. She took a bunch of stuff over there after the incident last week. So that means 3 things...
1. She trusts me a little more.*woot* 2. She plans on being in the home. 3. Life without her stuff is to hard and she wants to get back to her routine.
Congrats! Just remember one week is a VERY short time. Trust takes months, if not years.
Go slow and keep GALing.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
For sure I get that. I picked upo the DR ( originally only had DB ) and it really hit home in the that book that I need to measure progress in tiny steps.
My Buddhism class from last night really spoke to this for me as well.
Her advocacy group is definitely going to fill her head full of sh!t. They will not be told the full truth from her. She most likely will be telling them just enough to get the reply that she wants. Do you have a small recorder you can carry on you? It may be beneficial to you to record some of these altercations she is starting. As far as her bringing stuff back home, that could be good, however it sounds like you may be mind reading again. Just slow down on the thought.
Slow down, JS. You are jumping to some pretty big conclusions. Her bringing things home could just mean her friend doesn't want to be her storage unit. You can't read her mind so stop trying. Any ILY's will backfire and damage any progress you have made so say it with your heart but not out loud.
Also, like I mentioned before, talk to your L about the advocacy group and her actions. She could be getting help to set something up. Don't let that surprise you.
