First of all, thank you to all that have responded thus far. I have since been reading more posts on this site, and I don't honestly know if it makes me feel better or worse. Part of me is just glad not to be alone, but mostly, I feel worse, because it seems as if most people are just so sad and frustrated.
To address the issue of the antidepressants. He was put on them largely because of his lack of sex drive (which I NEVER understood, since that is usually a side effect). He was on 150 mg of Effexor, which was his second drug (I can't remember the first one now). Anyway, the doctor felt that perhaps he was depressed and that was why the lack of sex, but it never improved. In fact, it seemed that once he had this "excuse" of depression, he felt justified in not making love, and I felt like an a$$ for pushing the subject. After nine months on them, he was tired of letting drugs "rule his life." Against my wishes and the advice of his doctor, he took himself off of them and went through a really rough week. But then there were a couple of weeks, where he felt as if "his feelings were coming back," and we had sex TWICE in one week. However, it then quickly faded back to the norm, which is about once a month, but only after begging, pleading, and crying and about fifty very painful rejections.
To address LostLove and how her husband doesn't want to talk to a doctor, that is also my issue. I had to practically force my H go to after this had all been going on for a year. He was really uncomfortable and threw all sorts of excuses around, but finally went. Unfortunately, I don't believe that he ever explained the gravity of the situation, because the doc didn't seem very concerned. Once, I went in with him, and was made to feel like this selfish person because my h was depressed and all I cared about was sex. That is not the case, but it is so hard to have continued sympathy for someone when they won't do anything to help themselves and they show absolutely no empathy for how I feel.
And finally, to JiJi, I have talked and talked and talked and talked and cried and cried and threatened and threatened and talked and talked and talked and talked. . . Well, you get the message. I believe in open and honest communication and I am not one to suffer in silence. I have tried everything. I know getting mean is not the answer, but sometimes, I just get so frustrated that I don't know how to handle the feelings inside. And as much as I talk, my husband just retreats. Even when I do get him talking about this issue, all he does is apologize. But he will not promise to change.
We went to a premarital counselor. I have to admit, at the time we went (four months before our marriage), I was about to walk. I was starting to realize what a HUGE issue this was, and one that was permeating everything else. The counselor told us that he was impressed by what a great couple we were, and although we had this one problem, he was sure we could fix if. A professional was telling me this, and I do love my H so much, so we decided to work on it. The counselor gave us some exercises to try and it was like pulling teeth! If he did try, he was grudging and reluctant (oh, what fun!), but mostly, he would just refuse. The counselor said that I put too much into sex and that my H shouldn't be made to feel guilty about his feelings, and if he wanted to say no, I needed to accept it. I tried, I really did, but my H just saw that as a license to say no. After our required sessions (four required by our minister), my husband declared that he was too busy for counseling. After the wedding, he promised to go back. It took me four months of constant pressuring, finally we did go back, but I felt as if we were talking in circles and the counselor seemed to go off on these tangents and not offer anything solid to go on. My husband was supposed to continue by himself, but he hated going, and they just ended up talking about politics. He went for three more visits, and now won't go again.
Anyway, so that is where it is at. Believe me, I am frustrated, sad, horribly ashamed, embarassed, and just completely depressed that at seven months our marriage is in trouble. That is why I am here. I know we need help, and soon, because I don't know if I have it in me to feel this worthless and alone for the rest of my life.
