I have a bit of food for thought. I first got suspicious of my H's EA at my daughter's birthday party. OW was there, but at the time I did not suspect they were involved with each other. OW had been a friend of my H's that he knew through work. I had met her a few times and seemed like an ok person. I knew she was friends with my H and I knew he had probably talked about our M with her.
Anyway, as she was leaving, I told her that I knew she was aware my H and I were going through a difficult time and I appreciated his friends helping him try to work things out. I also told her that I had a lot of good reasons to hope that things would work in time. I let her know that I hoped we could be friends some day. The startled and pained look on her face was clue number one that something was up with her. She did not look happy at all when I said I ‘had hope.’
At the time, I thought I was putting someone at ease that was helping support my H, I was really taking a whack at her self confidence. Though I am now certain of an EA, I am still not absolutely sure they have crossed over into being a PA. From her point of view, if I had reason to hope, maybe it meant her relationship with my H wasn’t going as well of as she thought.
Admittedly, I have very little contact with OW, but I try to make it count. Since then, I have seen acting confident and secure around the OW or anyone she knows as a way to undermine her. A happy and hopeful wife means that her relationship is in trouble. Hopefully it will make her more clingy and needy. We all know how attractive being clingy, demanding, and needy is, now don’t we?
I even used my facebook page to ‘advertise’ to both her and my H how well I am doing. Not sure what that is doing to her yet, but I know it has helped my H start coming around again.
Here is my action list for those rare times I have to deal with OW: 1. Smile and be generally cheerful 2. Let her know that ‘things are getting better, and that I haven’t given up on him’ 3. Be vague – it lets her imagination go wild
