I have just read the book The Sex Starved Marriage. I found it comforting to know that I am not the only one out there and that there might be hope for my marriage. The thing is, however, that although I found the book enlightening and am ready to try it, my husband is balking. That is not really different from the norm. I am willing to do anything, but he seems happy with the status quo.
I really just need to vent, and perhaps find others that understand, because sometimes, I feel so alone and sad. My story is a bit long, but if there is any advice that you can give me after reading it, I really appreciate it.
My husband and I have been married seven months. I am 24 and he is 30. We both have jobs, bought a house a month ago, and are reasonably financially secure. We have many common interests and have such a good time together. I love my husband, he is truly a wonderful man, and in most ways, we have a great marriage. We have been together a total of four years and we have never even come close to breaking up. We agree on almost everything, from how we spend our money to how many children we want to have. There is, however, one MAJOR issue that causes us to disagree.
He is completely uninterested in sex. To be fair, he has never been a maniac about sex, although he was a lot more into it when we first started making love. The first six months of our sex life was great, and then it started drying up fast.
He always has some excuse; he's tired, there's something good on tv, I spent too long on the phone with my mom. . . but it all just boils down to the essential: He isn't interested and he isn't willing to do anything about it.
I have cried, begged, pleaded, and yes, although I am ashamed to admit it, I have gotten very angry. At times, I am embarassed by how I act. But I just get so frustrated. Weeks and months will go by, and I will initiate and get rejected countless times, and then I will lose it. His way of dealing with this problem is to ignore it or belittle it. Usually, he lets me rant and rave or cry, and he'll go to sleep in the middle of it. I just lie there and cry and he snores and sometimes, I want to just scream. I am in so much pain and he just sleeps as if the world is fine.
Realistically, I know I am not gross or ugly. I am five foot six, 134 pounds, and while not a raving beauty, I have the "girl next door" thing going for me with long brown hair and blue eyes. Many people tell me that I am pretty. I also keep myself in relatively good shape and maintain good hygiene. But I FEEL horrible about myself. I constantly battle with my weight and feel as if I am fat. I know that I cannot completely blame my husband for how I feel, but it is hard to feel sexy or beautiful when the one person in the world who is supposed to think that I am so obviously doesn't.
My husband has variety of issues. He has low testosterone, which we only found out about after I practically forced him to go to the doctor. But that was discovered two years ago, and he is on injections, and his levels are now in the normal range. He was on antidepressants for about nine months. It was definitely worse while he was on them, and when he stopped taking them, things got better for a couple of weeks, but now they are bad again.
We had to go to premarital counseling for our wedding, and we got into this issue then. The doctor suggested some things, and we tried them. I had fun, and he seemed to as well, but I can't get him to do them again. We have bought a couple of toys (my idea), but eventhough he enjoyed them once, he doesn't seem to like to use them now.
Anyway, I am tired of always initiating, only to be turned down. Sometimes, I don't know where I even get the courage to ask for sex. It's like banging my head against a brick wall. You'd think I would have learned by now. A lot of times, I would be satisfied with kissing or some sexual touching, but all of that is off limits. I can't even tell him that I want him or that I think he is sexy, because he gets irritated. And I could count on one hand the amount of times he has said that to me.
I am sorry that this is so long. I just have never had a place to talk about this before. Please, any advice, any words of wisdom. I love my husband, I believe in marriage, I don't want to end up a statistic, and I certainly don't want to cheat. But I just don't know what to do.
