Hey there. I cannot tell you if you should stay or go, or if you should expose the affair. You will have to decide how you behave because you will have to live with the consequences of your actions.
After looking through your posts though, it sounds like your first priority really needs to be to try to detach and concentrate on taking care of yourself. One tool that got me through the worst moments of the trauma in a podcast on iTunes called "Meditation Station." I know it sounds flaky and weird, but the one on dealing with a crisis and the one specifically for dealing with feelings of jealousy are priceless. They are also free BTW. I would listen to them right before seeing my H when I felt out of control and couldn’t stop my obsessive thoughts from making me feel crazy. I was always better able to deal with him then.
Once you can calm down and detach, you can begin to consider your options and find your path of action. Re-read “Divorce Remedy” and also check out “Crucial Conversations.” I think I checked out every book at the library, and these two were the most helpful and immediately useful.
One more note, try to lose that sense of having to make a decision RIGHT NOW that can hound you. You are in the midst of a crisis, but the decisions you make will have lasting consequences. Be sure you are making a real decision, not just reacting. One huge benefit to doing this is that it gives you back your sense of control and dignity.
