My H had an EA. He never apologised for it and sees as if he did nothing wrong. He even says hurtful stuff about it. He says he has ended the A but I am not sure. His phone and laptop are now off limits and password protected. If I touch them he gets into a rage, and it creates huge fights and problems with us. We have been married for 5 years and have a 1 yr old S. I found out about the A end of September and it had been going on for over a month. They were texting and calling each other saying how much they were both trapped in loveless marriages and how much sex they wanted to have with each other. So many things they said to each other. He spends most of his time on his phone when he is at home....probably smsing...don't know to who. If I ask him if he is talking to the OW he flies into a rage and says I should be able to trust him. I tell him trust is not imposed but earned and he tells me to get over my insecurities and stop being paranoid. If I can't trust him he says we better seperate. He wants me to act as if nothing happened and does not see how he betrrayed me. It hurts. If anything he points out incidents that happened before we were married. And something that happended immediately after we were married...I received a messege from a friend which said 'good night' and no matter my explanations he accuses me of having an affair. Which is not true of course. And now he brings it up and says we are even and the same coz he only did something that I did. He blames me for everything and uses double standards. What applies to me does not have to apply to him and vise versa. Anyway I decided to work on this marriage but what do I get...an unwilling partner. He does not even want to go for counselling or accept were he has erred and how much he has hurt me. If anything he blames for it all and says I should be the one to learn how to treat a husband. He says I do not respect him. (As if he does respect me). Whatever I do is never right and I am being constantly critised for evrything. This last month was not easy with so many things said between us esp from him. I am at my wits end and really thinking of leaving him I have found a place were I can go with my son. All I have to do is to pay my rent and go. If only for a month then I will move back home. But I feel if I do that it gives us time to think things through away from each other. He is always complaining about wanting his space. Maybe I should give it to him. The place I found is only for a month. (As I do not intend to stay there long term....I want to get back home afterwards) I really wanted to make my marriage work but my husband is kind of derailing every effort that I make. Maybe I fuel it by asking him all kinds of questions about his A and our relationship, as well as snooping...something he does not like. But I can't help it I need to know. In the past 2 mths he has opted to sleep on the couch in the lounge rather than our bed, despite me asking him not to. He says that's what he wants to do. I am sure he did or does it, to give him an opportunity to sms his OW. It really hurts me and I do not know what to do anymore. I want my marriage but as it is now I do not think I want it at all. It's too stressful and painful. My counsellor says I should not leave and try to work on things but how do I do that by myself. By staying will I not be smothering us to death. If I do not mention anything to do with our relationship we can talk about everything else....but is it that important. If anything, he tells me that talk about our relationship is stressing him. I try to create an environment were we speak harmoniously but sometimes we end up shouting at each other and we never reach any solutions but blaming esp from him. He never takes any responsibility for his actions and blames for it all. Somebody please help what should I do.
