If the person is "unconscious" enough to hurl abuse at their spouse what on earth makes you think that anything that is said will make a dent...?
When it happens and I approach it in the way described in the previous post, it inevitably has a remarkable effect. The one hurling abuse is in pain, and validating them helps bring them into consciousness.
OK, I want to apologize. I should take this more seriously than I have been. I am going over this more carefully now.
My problem is a lot of the posters on this forum are dealing with addicts in affairs...
If validation worked on addicts I think it would be in use now... Because interventions and recovery programs are terribly expensive.
I really am having trouble believing that simply validating someone who is abusing you will turn them around.. simply choosing the right words... will turn an addict around to cooperating.
And no, interventions aren't validation driven, the addict is confronted, lovingly, given an ultimatum, and a choice...
End the addiction, go into recovery now, or you are cut off... zero support anymore...
And many, are brave enough to take the offer...
It's not validation as much as it is just a no nonsense heart to heart with the panic of abandonment thrown in for good measure...
