I applaud you for following your own instincts based on what you observe is working.
Affairs, suspected and real, raise a lot of strong emotions in people and that is clear from the contributions you are getting. Undoubtedly, the nice part is, they all want to help.
I believe that your decisions and approaches have given you a fighting chance to keep your marriage and even make it better. You seem to be avoiding the invariably counterproductive strategy of overpursuit and presentation of desperation or neediness (don't worry if you've slipped sometimes - no one does this perfectly). Nor have you given into your own sense of anger or vengeance and made rash decisions based on these motives.
You are on a website called "divorcebusting.com". You have indicated you want to save your marriage despite the issues and difficulties you are facing. This is what I'm trying to respect in my posts to you. I believe for people like yourself, the general approaches outlined in Divorce Remedy are the best you can find for saving and ultimately improving your marriage and protecting yourself at the same time.
I am going to highlight something in your last post I really liked:
"Tonight my H is coming over to carve pumpkins with our D3 & me. I plan to act relaxed and happy, maybe even just a little flirting. That should not be hard right now since I'm in a good mood today. I want to sit back and enjoy being a family for the evening. Most importantly I will listen, listen, and listen. H seems like he has a lot to say if I give him the chance."
And:
"My biggest goal tonight is to make our home someplace my H wants to be at more often and to create a safe place for him to open up to me."
Create saftey, listen. It's amazing what happens when you do this.
