Not sure where to start or end, WAW? - #3

[john28]

I want to be clear, maybe my words just come across too strong.

I had a IC session today, and we talked about this.

Professor lady is refreshing. That's it. It means nothing more. She's hot and attractive and refreshing. The talks we have are refreshing and exciting. I'm not jumping on board the love boat here. If anything I've made it very clear to her that I'm not ready to jump into anything right away. She is respectful of that, and we're just having fun together.

It's called dating. My IC has mixed feelings about this. But, she knows much more in depth the situation with my W and us. She knows what I want in a relationship that my W absolutely refuses to give me, and at times has withheld from me. I'll give you a perfect example.

I went to college for music. It was my life blood and passion. Not rockabilly hip hop crap. REAL music. Classical music. Jazz. The real stuff. I met my W in college while I was a musician. What if I told you that I wasn't allowed to pick up a musical instrument in my own home and play it because it "annoys" my W? She would never let me play. It was a passion I had. So, for over 4 years, I never played inside my own home. If I wanted to, it had to be when she wasn't there (which was, never as a SAHM) or I would have recluse myself into my workshop.

My C describes that as making a concession of who I am. I'm a musician at heart - that's who I am. Why should I have to give that up? Why should I have been MADE or ASKED to give that up?

That's just a small glimpse into my R with my W. Did her playing music in our home bother me? Nope. Was she a musician when I met her? Yes. Did her playing sometimes annoy the sh~t out of me? Sure! But I loved her and knew that was who she was and wasn't going to prevent her from being who she was.

So, my C has mixed feelings about me dating, but she sees it as a good thing to allow me to rediscover both on my own and what I want in a future relationship. I've pretty much clearly defined that now, separate of Professor lady.

It just so happens that a majority of the things I desire in a relationship are things that she has expressed to ME that she desires. We're not talking about humor, honesty, etc.... really deep things that are very personal and individual. I haven't asked her of those things - she is open and provides them.

Again, it's refreshing. Not mind-blowing I'm in love feelings, but it is nice to have some fun. That's all I'm doing right now.