No 2x4s from me, man. I think it all depends on what your goals are. If your goal is to have a nice dinner, with someone you'd like to have it with, and you're able to see it as that then knock yourself out.
If you're doing it to try to woo your wife, I think (sadly, I might add) that that stuff doesn't work, and MWD I guess would call it "pursuing."
If you truly mean the "I could do this forever" thing, then I don't see the harm.
you could just as easily be having that dinner and wearing that suit with another woman, in fact, that was the goal remember, inspiring some fear of loss, letting your wife go, giving her what she wanted, remember if you're always there, she really can't feel you letting her go. Let's be honest, you're still on this forum giving us updates because that is your end goal, you want your wife to pursue you (because that's the only way any of this will work), a dinner with her is just rewarding her for ... WHAT? Wouldn't be my decision in your situation but you are free to do as you want, you always have been.
If you claim to lover her that much then show your love by giving her what she wants...life without you.
Otherwise, what's the point of persuing somebody that doesnt want you?
Justify it all you want but IMHO you are making a misake and at the very least wasting your time better spent with somebody that actually will recipricate.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
If you want to be "friends" you'll get no arguement from me. ALL of my exGFs are "friends". That does NOT mean I'd take them out for a $400 meal. I would buy them lunch or a cheap dinner on occasion.
Do you buy you male friends dinner?
It is true you do have a different kind of bond with your stbxw. But really, wouldn't that $$ be better spent on a college fund for your kids?
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
The money part is just money. My kids have money for school. Daughter is in university now. I want to try this particular place at least once in my life and I figure now is the time to celebrate a phenomenal year. And, my WAW was the catalyst for all my changes this year and is the one person in the world, who I know will truly appreciate such fine dining.
I really enjoy being her friend, while having the freedom to do whatever else I want. I am slowly making progress in the dating world and enjoying it. I even got the number of the woman who sold me the suit I will be waering to our "non-iversary" dinner.
you could just as easily be having that dinner and wearing that suit with another woman, in fact, that was the goal remember, inspiring some fear of loss, letting your wife go, giving her what she wanted, remember if you're always there, she really can't feel you letting her go. Let's be honest, you're still on this forum giving us updates because that is your end goal, you want your wife to pursue you (because that's the only way any of this will work), a dinner with her is just rewarding her for ... WHAT? Wouldn't be my decision in your situation but you are free to do as you want, you always have been.
- something to think about ;-)
Thanks for asking Rob, but yes, I am sure I am not rationalizing pursuing. In fact, I am almost sure WAW doesn't view it that way either. I think she sees that I can now share such an experience with her and expect nothing in return.
I know this is a strange one, but I am a strange guy and am newly happy in my strange guy skin and confident in my decisions.
When I first thought of the noniversary dinner, I actually thought "what would RobX say?". Thanks for the relaity check and thanks for not drilling me with a 2 x 4.
I really enjoy being her friend, while having the freedom to do whatever else I want. I am slowly making progress in the dating world and enjoying it.
The litmus test I use when applying the word "friend" in this situation is, are you fully comfortable discussing your dating with her, and hers with you? True friends freely discuss it, and support each other. I know in my case, the answer is a solid NO, so I can't consider my STBXW my friend, even though we also could go out to a nice restaurant and have a great time.
Well...were 50% there. I am comfortable discussing my dating with her and she is too. But, supposedly she has not dated. And if she did, I gotta admit I wouldn't be too comfortable and for that reason, either would she.
