I believe I will hold off on the therapist request until H indicates in some way that he is interested in working on the R.
One thing I will say is that your M will not be reconciled until the affair stops and he looks inward.
There are different schools of thought on that as you might expect.
Everyone is going to give you advice based on their own experience and what they believe works.
You will find what works for you.
I confronted my W about the A. So she knew that I knew.
You will never get a confession on this BTW.
Exposing? Depends what you want.
If you want your spouse to come back because they feel shame and remorse and you pick back up where you left off in a dyfunctional relationship...
That may get you that result or they truly come back because they want to. Many outcomes are possible and none guaranteed.
None.
If you want to reconcile just remember each person you tell is a hill that has to be climbed by your H on the way back. Some say they deserve it. BUT they will have a lot of guilt if and when they decide to come back. Just keep that in mind.
Me? I believe this tragedy has given me time and opportunity to work on myself and what I brought to the demise of my M.
It allowed me to regain faith in myself and that I decide when and if I take my spouse back. The best thing for that to happen is if they come to there own decisions based on the same process of looking inside...
THAT is what I believe. Everything else is just tactics until the two people recognize that the old M is dead and decide to make a new one by making real and purposeful changes.
That takes time.
The hard part is you only control your side of the equation.
It is also the good part when you understand that.
So
Focus on YOU.
My advice is to protect yourself legally, financially, emotionally and any other way he can hurt you.
Detach from the emotion of the situation.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
