"Right now I'm possibly embarking on a relationship with Professor Lady friend that seems much more on par with what I desire. She is extremely emotionally available, direct and open. Something I've always wanted - and with years of dealing with a 20-24 year old W that is an emotional infant, this is a very refreshing experience. That is why I dig professor lady so much."
John, I keep reading this paragraph and the ones preceeding it. And man, I usually try to us humor to get my point across; however, you are setting yourself up for another big emotional fall. So I hope I don't offend you by being blunt. John, the way you latch on to the next woman that shows interest in you is concerning. What you stated in your posts is like watching a blind piglet latching on to the first teat that crosses their snout...immediate comfort and security. I really do think that you need to spend some time alone and figure out who John is and what John wants. Then and only then start dating. You seem to get too emotionally attached too quickly and you need to understand WHY?
If your professor lady friend is as accomplished as you state, she will grow tired fast mothering you and tending to your every need plus she won't have the time to due to her profession. This will turn into a crevasse that will fester until... What caught my eye are the statements "extremely emotionally available" and "with what I desire", what about what she desires? You know as well as I that an R is give and take from both partners...
I am not a psychiatrist or a professor, but I have two master degrees one in engineering and the other an MBA. My education as well as my career had a lot to do with my current sitch. I am accomplished and have a career trajectory where my STBXW was just starting her career so we had little in common, but one thing. I grew bored with what she wanted to talk about and activities that she wanted to do, which contributed to my EA, which was with a person who was my intellectual equal (not that I think that I am a genius...I'm not), but we could discuss business, international topics, art, music, etc. That is much of a stimulant as your professor lady friends big Whoa's ... and I love big Whoa's as the next guy...
But back to my original concern and statement that you need to spend some time alone and figure out who John is and what John wants. Then and only then start dating. You seem to get too emotionally attached too quickly and you need to understand WHY? My fear is that you will fall into this pattern your entire life. Like my 32 year old friend who has been D'd 3x and now ready to marry his 4th W...his friends now take bets on how long it lasts...I am in for $200 that is lasts 2yrs. 8mo.
John, the way you latch on to the next woman that shows interest in you is concerning. What you stated in your posts is like watching a blind piglet latching on to the first teat that crosses their snout...immediate comfort and security. I really do think that you need to spend some time alone and figure out who John is and what John wants. Then and only then start dating. You seem to get too emotionally attached too quickly and you need to understand WHY?
If I was half as smart as HIH, I would have said the same thing.
I never said don't date. But you sound like you think you found your Queen of Diamonds.
Is your W still doing dishes? Can professor lady afford to keep her as your maid?
I wish that I could take credit for the comment about spending some time alone and figure out who John is and what John wants. Then and only then start dating. You seem to get too emotionally attached too quickly and you need to understand WHY? I think that comment came from Sandi2 or soleil. Anyway, I think that it is sound advice who ever it originally came from.
So no, I don't feel guilty at all about dating professor lady. Not at the least. My W never met my needs, and laughed them off time after time when I tried to talk about them with her. Or, worse, she gave me pity sex and I accepted it thinking that would be the best I'd ever get.
Well, it's not going to be that way anymore. Whether that is with my W or not, I don't care. Unfortunately, I'm doubtful she could ever give that to me, and that is what has hurt most.
Right now I'm possibly embarking on a relationship with Professor Lady friend that seems much more on par with what I desire. She is extremely emotionally available, direct and open. Something I've always wanted - and with years of dealing with a 20-24 year old W that is an emotional infant, this is a very refreshing experience. That is why I dig professor lady so much.
She's stable. Not a gold digger. She makes good money. Is a complete genius as a professor at 26. Plus, she smoking HOT, thin as a nail and has hoohaa's three times the size of my W's. Woah, did I say that out loud?
... not to mention, she's a definite physical touch LL person....
This is the WAS script for justifying an affair. Just sayin'.
Married people should not date. That's my .02. It's not good for anyone, not to mention Professor Cat Woman. You are NOT available, John - you are still married.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Woah, did I say that out loud?
