Dating and surviving

[NotFromThesePart]

Ha. Well, OK. I guess the appropreate response would be "that takes ba11$".

I took the plunge and signed up last night. Sent out one email and actually got a response in 1/2 an hoour. She seems like a VERY cool woman. I'm 8,000 miles away so there is no chance of anything, but having something else to pursue is fun. I've got no expectations at all so, somehow it's easy.

Good luck.

[pollyanna]

For all you female dbers - pre occupation with younger men ( me included) is this new , were you married to older or similar aged men.

Is this an enlightenment that our western society has discovered or is it that second time round and in this day and age we as woman don't look to guys now for security as such. There or are now other attributes that are more appealing.

[soleil]

Oh - and what IS it with guys wanting to send you pictures of their junk? Lol. Is this some new dating ritual? Or are there just a lot of pervy guys out there?

Gross! Delete! And yes, apaprently there is some Favre penis texting scandal!

Polly--I guess just date whatever age you want... it doens't really matter. My stbx is 4 yrs older and sometimes I think I'd like to tdate someone a lil older than that to try it out for once but in my past it was always people my age or the same range...

[kml]

Well, I haven't deleted it yet - he WAS nicely equipped! Plus, part of his detailed argument was that it was a work of art a la Mapplethorpe, and that someday he would become famous and it would be worth scads of money, and that he would be inspired to BECOME famous just to enhance the value of my art holdings, lol.

Polly - I'm NOT into younger guys. Honestly. But they seem to be into ME. I'm finding it weird. But online I mostly get two types of responses - guys who are older than me and look like Santa Claus, and these young guys!

(The boyfriend I had for a year was 3 years older than me, mentally youthful and tall, dark and sexy as hell.)

[kml]

Oh and my ex-husband was just 4 years younger - actually he was the only younger man I ever dated.

[pollyanna]

I been doing a little reading and something that has hit home is that it is said that in order to move on from any breakup you have to of left that relationship with no regrets , anger, remorse or resentment. In fact you must find the gift.

I think I have pretty much let go but there ain't no way I don't carry some remorse resentment guilt anger etc.

Is it possible ?

[v1olin]

I don't know if that is possible. Seems like a bunch of new-agey cr@p to me! lol

[kat727]

I think it is. Though I certainly wouldn't have said that a year ago. Do I still have issues with my ex, yes just as anyone that I know. I don't regret that we got married because I have 4 great kids from it.

I could stay stuck and blame him for everything going wrong in my life or I can take ownership of what it is and move forward. I choose to move forward. I didn't make the choices he did. I didn't make him have an affair but there were things in my marriage that I could have done differently and I accept that.

I see that he didn't always appreciate things that I did. Maybe we outgrew each other. Regardless, I have done tons of self reflection and I just know that I am better off because I have the chance to now find someone that can share all those fun things with me. Nothing worse than dragging a stick in the mud along and ruin things for everyone!

kat

[soleil]

I think you move on when it's over in your heart. But I think it's silly to think you wil have zero regrets about your M not working out and/or not have some feelings of ... what if or maybe a lil bit of saltiness if you were't the one who wanted the D. I think you have truly moved on when in your heart you know it's dead and there is no going back....

[kat727]

I think you have to look at it this way: do you regret anything that you did? Did you try to work things out? Did you do everything that you could within reason?

Are you sad that your marriage ended? Sure but are you keeping that sadness on you or are you letting it go. Same with the anger and resentment. We all may have flashes of those feelings but if they are a constant in your life than you won't be able to look back and see what you gained from that relationship.

Believe me it took quite a while to feel/think this way but you can't carry the mistakes/misdeeds of others with you or you won't find the happiness that you deserve.

kat