The problem for me is that the very words that are used point someone in (imo) an ineffective direction. "Addressing the behavior" is a parental and controlling thought and attitude. Nobody can change anyone else. Period. Any changes must come as the choice of the one making the changes. I can only change myself.
So instead of "addressing the behavior" I have found it to be infinitely more effective to frame it as "addressing my needs." This points towards the only person I really have any control over, that is myself.
There seems to be a false dichotomy that there are only two options in this. One being a (faux) "boundary" that is controlling and parental and the other being a "doormat." Neither is effective in creating healthy boundaries, in my experience. This is an area where I am evidently not in agreement with MWD.
Also, while problems of addictions are certainly very real and very painful when they are present, my experience has been that they are not in the majority of hurting marriages. It is an extreme case, which is ideally met by programs that specialize in such matters.
