To me its sounds like she is putting it all on me.
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She knows she made the biggest mistake of her life.
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What the hell does she think I've been doing for the last 8 months?
Only one person can answer that.
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Just dont know what to do next.
this probably frustrates the stew out of you. what would you tell one of your buddies to do and why? a man needs a plan.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well coach, I would tell my buddy to tell his wife to sh** or get off the pot. Might also tell him to walk away.
The funny part about all this is she tells everyone else, but she wont talk to me about it. Dont know what that means. Kinda feel like she played me with this whole I want to come home thing, to get her family to talk to her.
Im going to continue what i'm doing, when the 31 days for the cards is done, I am just going to drop all contact until she comes to me. If she doesnt then so be it.
Well, I asked my wife to stay at the house yesterday for her visit and I would make dinner and we could finish the Halloween decorating. She said yes. We had a very nice dinner as a family and her, my daughter and myself decorated the outside of the home. She stayed 2 hrs later then normal and we actually talked. Not about us, just about the family, what I was planning next on the home repairs etc. A couple of times I notice her saying we could do this or we could do that. Just noticed, didnt point it out though.
When she was getting ready to leave we were standing outside, I told her about my oldest and my quality time project. She was very interested in it. He picks a dessert out of numerous books I got him, he has to write out the complete ingrediant list and we go shopping and make the dessert. I told her we would like her to stay for dinner when she picks up the kids for her weekend so she can try out our prject. She said yes without skipping a beat.
I went to deliver the card this morning and I pushed it, in the card I offered her to spend the weekend at the home with the kids, (I really dont want my kids at her and OM house). Well she must have watched me put the card in her car, cause i wasnt 5 mins down the road before she sent me a text saying she enjoyed last night, couldnt wait to try our dessert tonight, and she would see how it went tonight about her staying at the house. She then asked me if that was fair.
I told her very fair, and that I would stay at my parents etc. if it would make her feel more comfortable. my plan here is to get her missing the home and our family. So i dont care if I have to sleep at my moms for 2 nights.
So I guess, tonight could turn out to be interesting. Wish me luck!
So my wife spent Firday night and all saturday at the house. It was good, we interacted and not one confrontation. We had a very good talk on Friday night. She told me what she got from OM that I didnt give her. I was right on the money. She told her mom that the changes were very different and noticable with me.
So that is all good stuff, on Saturday night they go into London for a night out at the play world. Afterwards she gives the kids 2 options of going to her cousins or to her place. They all chose to go to her place. To be honest, that knda hurt, she could have driven back home, adn why after all we talked about including her saying she can walk away from OM and work on this, would she take them there?
I kept my calm and dropped off the card like normal today. I sent her a text wishing her luck on her Job interview today. She thanked me and said she enjoyed the weekend and that it was very nice not to spend time fighting. We flirted abit back and forth and I asked her to dinner on Tuesday. She accepted and told me to let her know if there was anything she could do.
So all in all I think it was a positive outcome. I have to stay focused on the goal. Not get sidetracked when things dont go my way. Im learning, its just harder sometimes then others.
No her mother was not happy she took the kids to OM house. As soon as the kids were home, she talked to all of them. She asked them all what was more important, mommy coming home or having OM as a friend. They all chose mommy coming home, so she told them that they couldnt have both. They needed to make a decision on what was more important and stick to it.
Not really anything the kids can do, their mom presented them with 2 options, they chose the most fun one as all they ever do at the OM place is go outside and do fun stuff (the bachelor isnt ready for 4 kids in his house just yet). But my MIL felt it imperative that the kids know if mom were to come home the OM would not be a friend. So know my kids have to choose between the 2. I am so staying as far away from this as I can. I told MIL she is on her own, and she agreed to tell her daughter what she has done.
To be honest, that knda hurt, she could have driven back home, adn why after all we talked about including her saying she can walk away from OM and work on this, would she take them there?
To test you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well I had another test this morning. I turned onto his street to drop off the card, and he drove past me. I pulled in his lane way and put the card on the front seat of the car like normal. As i was walking back to my car he pulled in the driveway. Before he could even get out of the car, I hopped in mine and put it in reverse so he knew i was leaving. I did send him a text and told him i didnt want a confrontation, if he had anything to say he could do it via text. He didnt respond, just moved his car so i could back out of his driveway and leave. He followed me a couple of blocks before he turned off.
I then sent my wife a msg explaining what happened this morning. She didnt respond for some time. It was only after he texted her and asked her to meet him for lunch. She asked if we had an words, i said no and sent her the text i sent him. At first she was very upset. I couldnt understand, and told her that she knows me better than anyone else and that for me to back down was the hardest thing for me to do.
She sent me a text saying that after she went for a walk she realized just how strong i was for doing that and that ift was a very positive thing. She thanked me for my actions. She asked why i thought he came back. I told her 4 things, to make sure i wasnt damaging anything at his house, she was okay, to make sure i wasnt going into his home to bang his girlfriend and to have a confrontation with me. I said it was a territorial thing. She agreed.
So I guess, i will see if she still comes for dinner tonight and see what happens. I do know that my patience is getting very thin for this whole game. I dont know how long I can continue with this, but for now, i will vent here and keep a positive outlook.
Thanks for all those that read and give me input. I am not in a postion to respond to ohter just yet, But I am reading everyday. As i progress, i will start posting.
Ok, So I feel great today. I made dinner for my entire family last night and had a talk with my wife. I asked her straight out if she was prepared to not go back to her home, never see OM or talk to him again. It took her 5 mins to answer and she said no. At which point I looked her in the face and said take a look around you. This home, this family, your family that hasent changed, its still here. They are not the issue, its you and me. If you cant give up all contact with OM then you can not be apart of my life within my home and my family. This is my life not yours, you gave it up. I need to continue with my life and I will no longer entertain you and allow you to participate with my home. I set on hell of a boundary last night, and I didnt talk to her the rest of the evening.
She did have the nerve to say why cant we have everything in moderation and see where it goes. He mother flipped out on her. My MIL said " we get you in moderation for a couple of hours every week, OM gets you every day. If you didnt know what you wanted like you say, then you would be anywhere but at his house. Your using your family and most importantly your husband for your emotional survival then running home to OM. You should be lucky that your Husband loves you enough to stoop so low as to play second best in your twisted game. He deserves much better than this!" Way to go MIL.
I didnt say another word to her, i wont speak to her until she can prove no contact with the OM. I slept like a baby last night for the first time in a long while. It feels good to take back my ba@#s and be a man.
You should be lucky that your Husband loves you enough to stoop so low as to play second best in your twisted game. He deserves much better than this!" Way to go MIL.
She how women view this.
You did great now be ready for some spew coming your way. Makes sure you understand how to validate when appropriate.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I know how they view it now coach. I learned alot yesterday. I have grown enough to walk away, even though I could have stayed and beat the crap out of the OM. My first instinct was to remove myself from the situation. I have grown from this experience so far. I will continue to improve myself.
My wife sent me a text asking to talk tonight, I told her if she was still living and communicating with the OM then there was nothing to talk about. I havent heard back. I will stand firm on this. She will get nothing other than a hello and a goodbye when she picks up and drops off the kids.
Its taken me a long time, but i think i am on the right track. I need to respect myself before anyone else will.
