I know that you expected him to behave in an honorable way. And while you would hope that he would do the right thing regarding your children, you cannot expect it.
I am not going to tell you that he is in lalaland. I am not going to make excuses for him. It is what it is. He is not thinking about anyone but himself.
It is up to you to do the right thing regarding your children. You have to be the grown up. It sucks, I know. But that's the way it has to be.
Your children are young, but, that doesnt mean they cant figure things out.
It sounds like they were ok with the ow. It would be best if you try not to say anything negative about their father or the ow.
You want to make this as easy as you can on them. I know that is what you have tried to do all along.
There is nothing you can do to undo what's happened. So, now you have to figure out how best to handle the situation. And I know you will.
Sweetie, I know you are angry and I know this hurts and trying to get him to understand it is like trying to nail jello to a pole. Aint gonna happen.
So, get it out, regroup and continue moving forward. You are the one the children are looking to for security and comfort.
I dont give a sh@t about your h. It is you I care about. And I dont want to see you backsliding and giving him any control over how you live your life.
Or I could just come up there and talk to him for you. LOL!
I'm here venting so I don't freaking lose it at him. I'm going to have to have a conversation with him, in 24-72 hrs obviously, but for now I just need to get it out.
I am so sick of taking the high road ... yet I know I will. It's what is right by them. I have never, nor will I ever, say anything negative about their Daddy or his skanky ho to the kids . Of course they are ok with OW, she's a freaking kindergarten teacher. That's not the point. He is absolutely exposing them to too much too soon. I've seen separation agreements that ban introductions to OPs until the divorce is final for God's sake, and we're not even legally separated. The kids have only been dealing with this since they began moving back and forth the first of September. ARRRRRRGGGGGGG.
I'm going to type up what I want to say to him and post it before I do so you guys can help me pick it apart.
Ummmm ... will you bring your bat? (I'm only half kidding).
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
First, I will not lecture you or tell you that your better than this. That you every right to be angry. You already know this sh!t. What I will say to you is this....
Go read what you posted to ME today.
Yes, your H is an as*hole BUT you and I both know what is really bothering you about OW. We share those same fears...and you KNOW I know.
Let me ask you to think about or better yet recall a few things...
Who does A call when he get's sick?
Who enjoys her quite time with mommy?
Who drove over to drop off a "blankie"?
Who spends QUALITY time with there kids?
Who is woman enough to put aside her anger AND still give her kids to her as*hole H?
Who is working hard to provide for her kids?
Who is working two jobs for her kids?
Who carried those kids for 9 months?
The who is you!
OW as sweet as pie as she is, as pretty as she is, as X as she is will NEVER, let me repeat NEVER be mommy!
That role is yours sweetie. Yours and yours alone.
Okay knowing you I expect you to think or say to yourself...how does Eric know how can he understand this.
Let me tell you...
Two days ago my mother called me. She called to tell me she loved me and was very proud of me. After all she has done to me...abondonment, not being able to tell me who my father is, allowing the state to take me away from her (she as an unfit mother), after seeing the drugs, the multiple men come into the house, after many many things...
T - I can say that...as angry as I have been towards, I still LOVE her. She is and always be MY MOTHER!
T - nothing you do or your H does or ow does will take that from you! NOTHING.
A,K and R need you! They need you calm, they need your love, they need....
Mommy - not OW.
So take a step back and think (be honest with yourself)...
What do your kids need to see from YOU -
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
First of all, I never travel without my bat - Just sayin'. LOL!
Listen, I know how much it sucks taking the high road. I do. I've been taking it a long time.
Here's the thing. At the end of the day, I get to look in the mirror and not have one ounce of regret. I get to feel good about me. And that's what matters.
I know this is so hard for your children. I do. They are young and it just sucks all the way around.
But you cant unring the bell. It's done. And you can try to talk to your h, but, I can almost guarantee you that he wont hear a freakin thing you're saying.
He is going to be hearing - she is just jealous. She thinks she know everything, I dont have to listen to her. I can do what I want, blah, blah, blah.
But, if you feel you need to say something, then it is the right thing to wait until you are no longer so angry.
In the meantime, you do what you need to do with your children.
And think about, is she kind and nice to your kids? I hope so.
As for the rest, she will never, ever be you. Uh uh. No way. There is only one mommy. Doesnt matter if she is freakin Tinkerbell. There is only you. I promise you that.
Being human's a b*tch, ain't it? I agree with your idea of writing down what you want to say and letting us give you our Opinions. But let me say this. Sometimes you just gotta say what you've gotta say. It may not be the model for DB'ng but damn it feels good. And you usually don't regret it. Welcome to Earth.
As for the Kindergarten Teacher, wouldn't her school board frown on her relationship with a married man? Down here in the Bible Belt, that's a sure dismissal with a first class ticket to Hell tied to it. Oh, I know, no reprisals. He'll just take her side. But will he take her bills? Getting another job with that dirty little black mark might be messy.
Yes, this is b*tchy Punkin coming out, but sometimes being a B*tch is all a woman has to hand onto in this world. Says so in the manual. Stephen King's "Delores Claiborn"
Punkin, wth? I've never claimed to be anything but human ... faults and insecurities included.
Originally Posted By: punkin
I agree with your idea of writing down what you want to say and letting us give you our Opinions. But let me say this. Sometimes you just gotta say what you've gotta say. It may not be the model for DB'ng but damn it feels good. And you usually don't regret it.
I flat out disagree with ya here Punkin, I spent far too much of my 36 years saying and doing what I wanted to make ME feel better. I'm not ACTING based on feelings anymore, I choose to want better for myself. That does not mean I don't have those feelings, but it does mean that I vent here, work through what is really causing them and then separate out the emotion before I act.
Originally Posted By: punkin
Welcome to Earth.
Oh, I'm on Earth. Have been all along, right here with you guys having good days and bad days like everyone else.
Originally Posted By: ppunkin
As for the Kindergarten Teacher, wouldn't her school board frown on her relationship with a married man? Down here in the Bible Belt, that's a sure dismissal with a first class ticket to Hell tied to it. Oh, I know, no reprisals. He'll just take her side. But will he take her bills? Getting another job with that dirty little black mark might be messy.
Quite simply, that is not the person I am. Revenge is not my style ... or if it is, I'm more of a "the best revenge is a life well lived" kind of girl. This woman is quite likely going to end up step-parenting my three young children ... exactly how do you see that going in your scenario? And yes, he would take her bills, take her side, take her in that much faster.
Originally Posted By: punkin
Yes, this is b*tchy Punkin coming out, but sometimes being a B*tch is all a woman has to hand onto in this world.
I don't disagree. IF you define b!tch as a strong, independant woman who lives her life authentically and without regrets. This vision of a vengeful, vindictive, bitter, angry b!tch ... is quite frankly, sad.
Originally Posted By: punkin
Says so in the manual. Stephen King's "Delores Claiborn"
Now that is some funny chit ... love that sense of humor. Keep it up girl, just don't hide behind it .
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
BUT you and I both know what is really bothering you about OW. We share those same fears...and you KNOW I know.
...
OW as sweet as pie as she is, as pretty as she is, as X as she is will NEVER, let me repeat NEVER be mommy!
That role is yours sweetie. Yours and yours alone.
Yes Eric, I know that you know. Let's lay it out for the rest of the crowd shall we, invite everyone to the party ...
Yes the fact that OW is pretty and sweet and cute and blah, blah, blah makes my insecurities scream. I mean like banshees. Add to that the fact that she is a kindergarten teacher who likely adores small kids and has all kinds of cool, little kid tricks up her sleeve and somedays it truly could send me into a tailspin.
And yep, I'm sure it looks like that's what has my panties in a knot. I'm human (nickle punkin).
I have, and continue to, deal with the fact that she is likely going to be in my children's lives and take on a step-parent role (likely as a live-in before Christmas). My concern, is, always has been and always will be their well-being both emotionally and physically. This is not simply an issue of different parenting styles. That would mean that he communicated his disagreement to me and then did things his way, it would not involve us mutually agreeing on a course of action and then him blatently disregarding what HE said was in their best interest. I'm aware of my bias regarding the situation, it's why I consulted their guidance counsellor ... to make sure that I was approaching the issue from an objective standpoint.
I know I'm their only Mom. I'm the best Mom for my kids, period. And as their Mom I know that the fast-tracked OP immersion program they are being subjected to is not in their best interest.
Thanks E ... T
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
. Of course they are ok with OW, she's a freaking kindergarten teacher. That's not the point. He is absolutely exposing them to too much too soon. I've seen separation agreements that ban introductions to OPs until the divorce is final for God's sake, and we're not even legally separated. The kids have only been dealing with this since they began moving back and forth the first of September. ARRRRRRGGGGGGG.
.